I pay a high price sometimes for choosing what I have....to be true to me and honest and open about my journey......something about somebody being fearlessly themselves, being honest and raw, either draws amazing people to them or it turns people away......I think because a lot of people feel a duty to hide behind the walls of their homes......put their secrets in the closet for fear of what others will think.,.......and I get that...... I have been there too.......I had an old friend give me some feedback yesterday that was hurtful for sure......I had sensed a vibe from her and checked in, and she shared that she "doesn't like the way I have been conducting myself the last few months"......that she has caught a few blog posts and "doesn't agree with airing your family's dirty laundry or demeaning the father of my children".......which for the record I don't believe I have done either......I have been honest but as delicate as I can be as I stand in my truth and share my story.......and she said some other stuff too that was harsh..........so there were a few things that were interesting to me.......first how much of our perception forms our reality........how the feedback that I receive most of the time could not be more opposite to her assessment......and that the good my blog has already done has been so humbling and amazing to me.......but she absolutely is entitled to her opinion......I got back to her and held true to my convictions, appreciating her honesty......making no apologies about this blog, it is the single most healing thing I have ever done......sharing my heart with her......and reminding her that until you have walked a mile in another's shoes judging their journey maybe isn't so fair........but in her willingness to be honest......and harsh........I now know she is not one of my people anymore.......she used to be......and that is OK......and I will always love her and wish her well on her journey........and understand her feelings toward me.......the super strong ones that are coming up for her at the moment have to do with her not me.......I haven't done anything to wrong her.....my sharing my journey should not make her angry.......so where her personal feelings toward me are coming from I don't know? But it is OK.......I always prefer the truth over lies.......real over fake........a true friend over an undercover hater.........so now I know.......and my journey is not for everybody......and everyone doesn't need to understand it......that is the truth......I would like them to try, but am no longer caught up in having people get it or not........the people that are meant to will and the ones that are not just won't.........have to say even though I get it....it is painful to lose more along the way......losing this friend feels like loss some again.........but I have new people coming into my life too that are more aligned maybe with where I am headed and where I am going.......and the old stuff no longer meant for me is meant to fall away.........so I bid this old friend farewell.......knowing she is no longer for me......wishing her love and well and hoping one day she gets it......can offer me more compassion and understanding, even if she hasn't walked my path.......but if she never does that is Ok too......sometimes your time runs out in this life with another person......you are no longer meant to travel anymore.......and by what she said to me, that became very obvious........so I pay a high price for being me and remaining true to me and not letting anything sway me from that.......but a higher price in my mind would be to not speak my truth......and hide in the shadows.......I am just not willing to do that, no matter what shade is thrown my way........people will always judge.......it is way easier to do that than to understand......and it is OK......their judgement is about them, not me.......
jperuso
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