Wilderness................

The meaning of wilderness is an uncultivated, uninhabited, and inhospitable region......and in reflecting on where I am versus where I was in all of this, the notion of wilderness came to mind.......like on that Thursday night as the bomb was dropped, I was removed from my comfortable life and dropped off into the wilderness......and I definitely wandered there for quite some time......in the darkness and the barrenness, without the comfort of much of anything in my previous life........and it was very humbling.......very.......to think that you will live a certain life till the end of your days and then suddenly not.......all of the sudden IT just IS........so as I remember those early days it feels very much like a tale of survival in the wilderness......a completely new environment that felt very inhospitable at first, foreign, and I wasn't sure I could survive it......that I had the proper skill set to endure such uncomfortable suffering......and I suffered indeed......deeply and in all the ways one suffers when their heart has been shattered.....I remember being at work in those early days......and having somebody talk to me about something related to work, and thinking if they knew how much pain I am in they would be amazed that I am upright and having this conversation with them.......it was that deep.......just constant aching terrible pain that I could not get away from.......no escape.......just had to stand in until it passed........and somehow in wandering through that wilderness in those days I found my way out of that wasteland, into this amazing and beautiful place that I currently live in......a gorgeous and lush forest full of trees......life......birds chirping.......waterfalls roaring.....new beauty to behold around each and every bend.......and it really makes me feel so so grateful that I was able to withstand the wilderness........wander through it.......figure out a way.......decide that I wasn't staying there long and step into the sunlight, and the new forest I have found.....a place I have never lived in my whole life......brand new but in all the best ways......but I think the wilderness is really the point.......we all wander through wilderness in our lives....a place in our life where we are stripped of what we know to be true.......humbled.......asked to show our strength......or use it to battle whatever has come to find us.......and in that wilderness we can often find our inner survivalist......our inner warrior.......the one that wants to LIVE......to survive the heartache that has found them......and really the only way to do that is to make peace with being in the wilderness......even though you don't want to be......even though you wish it wasn't your turn.......even though.......all of it........I have been in other environments in my life that were wildly uncomfortable and asked a great deal from me......a form of wilderness........and each time I honed my skills to adapt.......survive......find a way.......this latest stint in the wilderness has by far asked the most of me.......and saw me through my darkest days of all my life......nights that I laid awake and talked out loud to God about not being sure I could withstand the pain, and praying for him to give me the strength to endure it.......and he obliged.......and I will forever be grateful for just that little more......the little more strength in a moment to allow it to pass, and find a new moment......the next moment, a more tolerable one.......such a gift when you are surviving moment to moment.....day to day.......the other point of wilderness in our lives......is to remind us to appreciate the lush and beautiful forest......we forget.......we get away from ourselves.....take stuff for granted.....get unsettled........discontented......until we are cast into that wilderness.....so it is my hope that you are appreciating the forest you are living in at the moment, full of life, and hope, love and peace......I know I sure am......and my goal is to not forget that wilderness is but a moment away......so every moment we get to have to live in the beauty of a forest full of life, and opportunity, and blessings is a gift indeed:)