Is there a love quota in this life? Like a finite amount of times your heart can find another's and recognize them in your soul? Hard to say......we may only get a few shots at it.......or maybe not because of the nature of love, we may be capable of meeting many people that we could love in this life......that we could forge a forever union with......the world is a big place......as I have said I am not so interested or worried about that in my life in the now.......not actively seeking love or any of those things and am content to fly my own plane, drive my bus, do my own thing for awhile, and have much healing work to do as I do just that......but even with that awareness I would be totally lying if I said I haven't thought about who HE would need to be......and some days it seems like he would need to be a man of mythical proportions.....not too fair right? Because all of us are flawed, and are all in need of grace and understanding from the people who love us......and I think I excel at loving somebody beyond their flaws or maybe in them, through them........all of it......have done that my whole life, with all the loves that have found me.........but I think this time around, if love comes to find me again in this life.......I am not living in the same flaws I have lived in all these years......I just am not willing to do that.......and that is a tough thing......because as flawed folks we tend to subconsciously invite the same energy in over and over dressed up in a different package......if we don't heal what it is that brought those people to us in the first place.......so I am mindful of the energy I want to attract this go around..........this man that comes to claim my heart needs to have fierce loyalty and honesty running through his veins......no exceptions to that.......he needs to be loyal to me in all things.......and despite my giving an extreme level of loyalty to all I have loved.......I have never received it in my life.......not from any of them.......and I more than deserve that in a future relationship and I am holding out for it.........he needs to be a man that has an attractive life all his own......one that looks fun to be a part of........one that will add to mine, not deplete it.........he needs to be kind and have a positive nature........not sweat the small stuff or let his mood dictate his life........somebody light, funny, attractive and somebody that loves their life.........appreciates it........is grateful for it.........a man that is direct in his dealings in his life.......straightforward and clear........a man that has deep faith in things unseen and lives his life trusting the journey........a man that also understands the kind of mom I am and doesn't mind having to share me with my kids.......in fact he welcomes it and is respectful of that.....as that is a must.........he will need to be a man that really SEES me.......understands who I am and how I want to be seen in this life.......and gets me totally......and shows me that he loves me each and every day........and is grateful to have me in his life.........I have done some thinking on it clearly, and it is an extensive list no doubt, but one I think is important to have........because I can return these things to him......love him like he needs to be loved too......love him perhaps like he has never been loved by someone, loving fiercely is in my wheelhouse......I can check his boxes and make his world a better place too......I know that I can do that......I have done that........and some days I feel I did it for somebody that didn't appreciate any of it......or not enough of it.......and I try to imagine if I used my power of love to love a man that understood what it is .......it would be magic........true magic.......so maybe he is out there.......waiting......down my road.......and some days I feel like I can feel him out there waiting......and it feels exciting to round each corner with the knowledge that he could be around any one of them and that I GET TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!.......what an extraordinary gift.....falling in love is one of my favorite things to do;-) One of life's greatest gifts! So while I am mindful of him, I am not hanging my hat on him.........I am saving myself and not looking for a hero..........I have learned to be my own hero and it feels pretty amazing.......and by the time he arrives I will be ready......I know that......
jperuso
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