Peace I mean.......like truly how does it arrive in our lives.....I often marvel at the presence of it in my life now.....I truly looked for it all my life and it eluded me......wanting to live in quiet, peace, predictability.......harmony.......all of those things......and I achieved it at certain times of my life I suppose, but not for any substantial amount of time.....and wow is it a gift......a true gift in every sense......I have swept the eggshells up and threw them away....no longer having to tiptoe......I had to for so long due to all of the stuff that was happening that I was unaware of.......it was exhausting......to desperately try to keep the peace, forever a peacemaker, and then have it go away in an instant you were not expecting......and now I know the majority of it having nothing to do with me at all.....which is kind of crazy to think of......seems like a waste somehow......but the freedom that comes with living in peace and harmony in my home is like nothing I have ever known......I know it is a gift to my children too.....that was one of the things weighing on me heavily when he was here......due to the weight of his affair, even though lots of things felt better between us through therapy, there was more volatility due to his guilt and shame, and all of the demons he was dealing with......in turn it caused more turmoil in our home than there had ever been, and I did not want our kids to have to be a part of that.......we tried our best to shield them but it wasn't always easy.....and in my mind at the time I felt it was temporary.....that eventually things would settle again......and we would achieve peace and harmony......now I know that would not have been possible......ever.....he is most definitely not a peaceful human.....I used to think he was, years ago......but the churning of all the things inside of him took over and peace eludes him.......I am not even sure he yearns for it.....maybe he does......but he is not great at creating it......and as I sit here, early morning, sipping coffee, doing my blog, staring at the Christmas tree.......I am just so grateful I have found it......it is definitely found within.......I think it is found when you speak your truth, unafraid......when you choose peaceful daily habits, when you don't allow the outside world to get in......when you become peaceful with you.......and where you are in life.......peace then begins to follow you wherever you go......peace, hope, faith, gratitude.......all my favorites........and so so very important........pillars in life to hold onto when the water gets rough.......now most days the tsunami has settled......I used to feel as if I was doggie paddling in it..... now the water is calm......bright blue......sun is shining.....my boat is sailing beautifully......headed toward the horizon and whatever lies beyond......and it is just so so peaceful.....and anything that threatens my peace doesn't get to stay......isn't allowed in.......the price I paid for it was too great......and I am not giving it up......not for anybody or anything......anything that joins me on this journey must come bearing the gift of peace as well......peace to my heart.....my mind.....my body......my soul:)
jperuso
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