SO much of what happened the last year, happened without me being ready.......like not even close...........all of it just falling away...........just presenting itself and I had to adjust accordingly......and it was coming at me, feeling like rapid fire most days.......and in the adjustments I made, I was able to find my way on the other side and settle myself.......but in this process there have been a few things that have happened, that happened when I was ready.......and yesterday morning I had a pretty profound realization through a series of events.......I realized that as the divorce moves forward, that I want to sell the house.......and start over.......In the beginning I had no such desire......my feelings were that I love this house, which I do.......that this house was something we worked hard for.......which we did......and the idea of staying here made sense......which it did........not uprooting the kids.....giving us all some stability in the tsunami.........but as I sit here this morning my feelings have changed........I no longer feel that way........I am ready to leave this house and all of its memories, and life of ours that it held, behind......... and start a new chapter of my life.......probably in the short term to find a rental till the market settles some.......but in the long term to buy a house of my OWN........one for the kids and I........such a wonderful idea to think of........to find the perfect place for us to live........this all will likely not take place till spring or summer.......the moving and all the rest.......but the readiness had to step forward in me before all of that anyway.......this past year I have felt powerful being here......having it be my own........taking on all the upkeep........doing all the things that it required of me and enjoying it on my own.......I proved to myself I could.....which was important to me......but now it is important to clean out my life.....both literally and figuratively........I remember moving classrooms after about 12 years of teaching and feeling like a new person purging all the stuff I had accumulated over those years......and it brought me this really light and wonderful feeling! SO when I think of cleaning out my life........simplifying my stuff after 20 years.....it feels daunting but also exciting........exciting to let go of more of my past and carve out a space for the future........I plan on keeping the things I really love.......donating or selling a bunch.....and just purging a ton............and I know wherever we go is going to feel like home.....because the three of us reside there.......together.......heart and soul.........and I think the kids will be ready too.........Mads loves houses and the looking at them as much as I do.....and will be up for a new adventure.......and I know the things Gabe needs in a new place to adjust to it, and feel like he is home......and I will make him feel exactly that........and as for me new adventures........and new places to decorate;-) await!!!!! And that notion makes me pretty darn excited!!!:) I am READY:)
jperuso
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