Disappointment is a tough emotion......it arrives unexpectedly normally, within all different circumstances.....and I am learning to release it quickly and completely......it sort of is surrender's cousin.....first cousins even;-) leaning back into what comes keeps disappointment from settling in......so I have written of it before, accepting what comes and releasing disappointment.....and I was able to do that mostly......yesterday......I had planned on going to that Gypsy concert in town......was excited about it for weeks......and was really looking forward to joining some of my favorite people and have a fun night of dancing in the aisles.............but my boy got sick on Thursday with confirmed strep.....making me feel I could still be in the clear for this weekend......but then he got some sort of something else on top of it......he was negative for Covid yesterday but it is definitely something......heavy congestion etc.....and he wanted to stay with me and not go with his dad this weekend due to how he was feeling......and of course. I want both of my children to be with me when they are sick, and always feel free to make decisions that make them feel comfortable.....so it was totally fine with me........and then when I woke up yesterday, I realized with or without Gabe's situation, I still felt really banged up after the biopsy and should take the day to rest too......so we did......both of us just relaxing in our rooms.......watching some TV.......my caring for my boy.....tea and provisions.......and there was a moment.....the disappointment moment.....came knocking on my door.....a minor pity party.......but in the next one I chose to release it......it just isn't worth it.......not in a real sense.....and the freedom and power lies in the trusting of it all.......not only when it goes "your way" but when it goes the way it goes......sort of like becoming a detached observer in your own life.....like your number one fan.....wanting to have great things happen for yourself.....seeking to make those things happen when you can, but sort of sitting back and observing what comes and not attaching judgement or anything to it all......embracing what comes and releasing what goes......rinse and repeat........I am also navigating the feelings that are coming up related to my women's series likely needing to be cancelled for the second week in a row......and knowing I just need to accept that too......trusting that.....the last delay caused two more women to hop on and one that is mulling it over.......so.........this delay too may carry significance that I am unaware of at this point.......I am never suggesting for anybody....including myself......to not feel our feelings......that is not what I mean when I write about these things......feeling them and rolling around in them and letting them consume us, is different than feeling them......observing them........and then releasing them to where they need to be......and as I have walked this journey I have realized that some things just are not worth it......they just are not......so today I will take whatever comes.....nurse my boy back to health, take it easy myself......and make a plan for next week that will like likely change again;-) Happy Sunday y'all!
jperuso
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