I feel like in the last 10 months I have discovered the answer to this question......and I am just on the tip of the iceberg......which makes me feel excited.......LIVING and THRIVING, vs EXISTING and SURVIVING, are two very different things......and I never knew......I heard people talk about it, or read some about it, and thought it was maybe just an expression or that maybe I was REALLY living too.....I have always been so grateful for my life and appreciated all that came my way.....and plucked the joy where I could.....however there was a missing part of me that wasn't participating in life as I am these days, and I didn't realize at all.....like I have been living in normal color, and somebody just introduced me to hi def:) many days in my old life would find me tired......feeling heavy by the end of the day....not much in the tank to do the next thing I needed to....and I would fight through that to do whatever that was......working tirelessly for all those around me, on autopilot......just going and going......feeling frustrated and edgy more than I wanted to.......and it left me with not much else.......and certainly no time to listen to the music of my own heart.......and I know I have written about this a few times, and mentioned it countless others, because it is so legit.......I want to shout from the rooftops........and I feel it begins in awareness.....because if we think about it.....we are normally so unaware of so much....and certainly of ourselves because we are in the business of doing....and moving.....and getting through work, the day, or whatever lies in front of us.......so for me.....I think Covid striking the world was my first place where awareness reached me.......it slowed my life down immensely......like slamming the brakes on on the highway.....and my life became calmer to some degree and felt more manageable for sure.....except for the part of my life that lived underneath the affair.......and doing therapy the past 4 years helps me slow down too, and get reflective and clear.....but it is more than that......when Nick left and shattered me, albeit temporarily......in that pain and suffering, there occurred a sort of rebirth......one that is hard for me to really articulate, but is as real as anything I have ever known......helping me discover me......discover things in this life that can be done to help your energetic vibration rise and find joy and peace up above......and I am not sure I ever knew those things were possible.....not in a real way.....I feel like I was always able to access some of those things but only briefly and it would get swept up in the abyss again......in the fast lane I was traveling in in my day to day.......I couldn't stand in that space.....stay there......and I have found a way to do that in my day to day now.....to wake in the morning with excitement and happiness in my heart at what the day holds......drive home from work with a feeling of peace and calm, of which I have never known.......and just wildly lit up about what lies ahead......and staying present in all of it......catching myself if I drift....and I am never going to sleep again......never going to forget what it is like to live in this space and as I said above, I have this feeling inside of me that knows that this is the tip of what lies ahead for me and it makes me so excited I can barely stand it:) I felt the life coach call awhile back down this road......and when it came I was like yeah! That is what I was feeling, something pulling me ahead.....calling to me...... that is how I feel about my whole life......that there is some amazing stuff that awaits and the destination is not the goal for me......just knowing it is there is enough......but enjoying the journey to the next stop is just as exciting, even on a regular old Wednesday.....and that feels amazing......I am not sure that I could find true LIVING.....if I had not experienced such darkness......but.......I would like to think that we all can find it.....no matter where we are in life.......or what things come to visit us........and maybe the ways we arrive to it will be different for everybody....but most definitely possible for everybody.....and maybe it is as simple as asking yourself if you are really living......if the life you have chosen is one that lights your soul on fire.....if it is full of things that bring joy?? Contentment, health, happiness......? And if not maybe it is just in the choices in your day to day to change it.....examining your day.......do the things in your day add to the quality of your life???.....I think for me finding consistency in doing the things that spark joy.....EVERY single day.......no matter what........is the magic.....so on this dreary Saturday morning.....I leave you with that thought......are you surviving or thriving? :)
jperuso
Commentaires