I have some more letting go to do.......Madeline's birthday falls this weekend, and it is a weekend her dad has her......and I didn't even miss a beat, just accepting that it is.......this is a part of my new life.....and fighting it makes it all the more powerful and unpleasant.....but laying back and floating through it protects my hard earned peace.....so float I must......and you know what it is OK.....truly.....I will celebrate with her on Sunday night......and we will have a great time........but this entire year has shown me the power of letting GO......I have written of it many times......and if you have read this and still don't believe me, listen up LOL;-). Please do......there is great power in mastering the art of letting go in every aspect of our lives......letting a situation be what it will........not casting our shadow of expectation across it.....just coming up to a challenge and saying OK here you are......I accept you and will be fine on the other side......it is in the holding on.....like the barbed wire, where we suffer......I have now gone through quite a few weekends where he brings his girlfriend to get the kids.....she and I are talking some and I have totally let go, and it is as fine as it will likely ever be.....and their weekends have gone fine.....kids seem happy and taken care of.....what else could I ask for in this situation? Really? However if I had continued to hold on and fight it......my experience would have been very different........more suffering.....more pain......more of the things I am not about any longer in this life.......so my new policy is if it is poking me......hurting me......making me feel bad........I am letting it go........and most times we have that option at our disposal.......we are just all so used to hanging on that we forget.......and I am getting pretty good at it.....and stopping myself too before I start spinning into the land of what ifs too......so easy to wander through that land.......especially when you are getting a divorce......and I just resist.......whenever I am able......not trying to suffer needlessly by imagining things that are not real.....or haven't happened......just leaning into my faith and trust in this life........learning patience......my nature is to know.....to problem solve.....to reach resolution......and truth is........so much of life doesn't work that way......so I am challenging those parts of myself......catching myself and easing back some......my living situation is very much up in the air.....which is a source of some stress........but I have committed to not letting it consume my day to day, or my life......knowing whatever the outcome........we will be fine......and that what is meant for myself and mine will be........and in that knowledge comes my power rolling up......by framing it that way......my fear vanishes and my power steps forward and control feels restored.......ironically in the lack of control;-) Kinda cool right? So the way I have regained my sense of control this year is by leaning back in the chaos and not fighting it......letting it wash over me......and focusing on strengthening my mind to be stronger than my emotions.......whenever I can.......so if you are reading this......and haven't believed in the power of letting go and acceptance yet.......and if you struggle with hanging on......I urge you to try today to let go of one thing that hurts you......one thing you cannot change.....one thing that is a source of suffering......look at it in its eyes......and just accept it for what it is......and let it go........just trust......and know whatever it is ........it will be OK........it really will........I promise......
jperuso
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