My whole life peace has been something I have been seeking......I looked for it often as a kid.....and struggled to find it in lots of places.....due to lots of things.......and so I got really good at making peace.....working with others to create the peace I sought.....on repeat.....I kept up that trend all of my life....taking on things that never belonged to me and carrying the load of it all.....living in turmoil, so others could feel some sort of peace......in my new life I have finally achieved it......in most of my days I feel peace.....when I drive home I am excited to be doing so......knowing I am in charge of my night......or my weekend, and I get to fill it with what I choose.....things that make me happy and feel really good......so these days my peace is not up for grabs.....it just isn't.......and the situation I referenced yesterday, threatens to steal my peace, in the short term, and the long term......and I just won't allow it.......I just won't.......it will take a lot of effort, and using all I have learned about mindset, and all the things I have learned in therapy......and all my skills to navigate it in a way that honors my mental health...... my journey......and my peace......I used to think that peace was something you attained by trying to orchestrate it.....maybe in a false sense......and it always seemed fleeting........but once I realized it comes from within......and that even when everything is imploding around you, you can hang onto peace.....it changed the game.....so as the feelings of this situation settle.....and I can find my center again.......I plan on it.....and I don't plan on surrendering my peace for anybody............to be the sacrificial lamb......and live in inner turmoil to try and deliver peace to others.............trying to deliver peace to others at the expense of my own......never again......it won't be easy.......and will be challenging for many reasons......but I won't lose what I have fought and worked SO hard for.......in the early days of his leaving......I felt constantly under attack.....and my peace being rattled endlessly.....and I had to learn to live and love my life, despite whatever came......despite my external circumstances......it is not up to others to make us happy.......happiness and peace are an inside job, and since we cannot control what comes for us in this life.......we cannot wait for the conditions to be just right to feel those things.......the hits in life keep on coming......boy do I know......but it is in the power of the response......and how we honor ourselves and our journey where peace reigns........so I am reminding myself this morning about just that.....that my peace and the protection of it is up to me......and only me.........and that it is not up for grabs.......it just isn't.........
jperuso
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