The super charged moon has my day beginning at two today....ugh right.....lol:) I woke up and just couldn't seem to find my way back......also in part because I have to go to an in service today, and need to be in East Stroudsburg by 7:15, so 4am wake up was in order, and I am guessing it will take a little time to get back into that groove......I have actually been sleeping in some this summer, and finding myself in bed till 7 sometimes......but I have to say I don't mind the early morning hours......there is something sorta magical about them.....the energy of them different than any other part of the day....and while I have done lots of suffering in the early morning hours during this journey, I have also found a lot of solace in this time of day.....it is the me time of the day.....coffee, music......blogging......meditating.....focusing on my day with intention.......exercising and then beginning my day.....I met with a new client yesterday.....she has been through some of what I have.....and it touched my heart.....to feel her wound.......so fresh......but she is so brave, and fully equipped to walk her walk, and she is doing so well.....and it got me thinking of all of the unnecessary stuff that finds us......like so much right?? It can sometimes feel like such a waste of energy and talent and promise.......but in thinking that, it made me wonder if I can even say that it is unnecessary.......because well.....some of the unnecessary leads to the necessary right? Or maybe all of it.....sometimes in this story I have been struck by the absurdities......the sheer madness......the stuff that has come that leaves me shaking my head, like how can this be happening.......and it really doesn't have to even be a thing.....some simple communication and understanding could solve it right???? Yeah.....well that isn't always so......and so those "unnecessary" things....are the things that catapult us to the necessary......and when I listened to her tale it was sad.......wrought with some of the things my story contains.....the sad undertones......the loss of possibility and what could have been......and she said something that was so powerful and hit me too....she said her marriage is the first thing she felt she "failed" at......and had always put her best foot forward, and succeeded at most of what she set out to do.......and gosh I felt that.....I have always tried so hard my whole life to go after what I want, and do my best to achieve it and do my best at it......and I felt I applied that same principle to saving my marriage and well......we all know how that ended.....so it kinda messes with you.... I was happy to help her some with that......free her from carrying a burden that doesn't belong to her.....not her fault....people's demons are their own........and besides I have come to believe we never really fail.....fall yes.....stumble absolutely....but never fail.....every time we trip or fall down, it catapults us to the places we belong......however when she said that it really hit me....because as I have said my marriage and my family was the ONE thing I really wanted to have and have work in this life....and the fact that it didn't is an irony not lost on me.......and now I am living in the plan b.....and plan b has been lovely too in its own right......maybe more so in some ways.....but it is those unnecessary or seemingly unnecessary things that find our lives......that transform them.....pushing us and growing us in the ways we need to......and maybe I wrote this as a reminder to me too......as the last couple months have had me deeply sighing at some of the nonsense I feel has touched my life.....and stuff that just did not have to be.....but I guess it all needed to be....and I will trust the trajectory it brings........and the necessary things found on the wings of it all.......as the dust begins to settle........
jperuso
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