So I started this year in the wilderness......Nick in quarantine, alone on Christmas and through New Years, and then my marriage ending in one sudden explosion.....and I wandered around the wilderness for months after and gradually found my way out.....Been flying high since and really finding my way in the sunshine, the sparkle, the light....but in this moment.....this season of my life, I am all too familiar that I am back in the wilderness a bit......and that awareness doesn't frighten me in the ways it once did.....I accept that the beautiful sunrise, the waterfalls, the rainbows, the sparkle doesn't happen without our time in the wilderness.....so I accept it....there is something to be learned by me in this part of my life......just as all the rest and I will do my best to stick with the lesson, focus on that not on the darkness I feel closing in around me......I am isolated.....waiting on the potential of COVID, and have some heavy things on my heart in my personal life, that weigh on me, spiraling me further and deeper into the woods..........so as I feel the aloneness......standing in the center of the woods.....I feel the peace the trees bring.....the stillness.....the quiet.......the clean air........and the place where I can hear myself......my heart, my mind, my soul.....and let it speak to me....and understand that the wilderness is about transformation.....wild and wonderful transformation of our souls if we let it.....if we don't fight.....don't rail.....don't lament.....just be quiet and still in it......and I feel there will be much for me to learn in the next several weeks in the quiet I have been cast into.....in the time before the new year dawns.......and as I focus on the blessings.....Gabe's journey through COVID.....mine and Mads' continued health, I am keenly aware that most of what we endure....or experience in this life is created in the mind.....none of it really real.....our attitudes and mindset setting the tone for our reality......our focus creating the reality regardless of our circumstance.......and so......I am committed in this life, that no matter what is thrown my way.....I will not descend into a position that brings me greater pain and suffering than is necessary......I will be brave....I will be of sound mind......strong mind....allow my mind to be stronger than my emotions......and take my power in the places where it comes.....so I feel as if I am on a spiritual quest right now.....held up in my home for a bit with my kiddos, isolated from the rest of the world, my family.....my support systems..........catching our breath......and I don't have all my coping mechanisms accessible but I still have a bunch:) I am also hoping to feel inspired to bang a few more chapters of my book out during this time:) Finished Chapter 5 recently.....and am excited to keep going......so as I wander the wilderness......I will soak in the solace....the quiet....the scarcity....or bounty depending how you look at things.....the quiet understanding that these things are what the wilderness is about.....a communal place with us and it.....a place to quiet the noise and learn what is there for us......I could feel it looming up ahead knowing it would come to find me over this holiday....and here it is.......so I will mediate......I will write......I will exercise.....I will love on.....and take good care of my kids......I will persist.......I will find my way on the other side of this stroll through the wilderness.......and be stronger....wiser.....braver......and ready for whatever is next......:)
jperuso
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