Unwavering.........

So that is an interesting word.......it is the one that came to my mind today......there is so much in me that is unwavering these days......but one of the hugest ones is my faith........I lived so long under the weight of anxiety and panic at certain points of my life.......just so much fear and conjecture......and what if scenarios for days......and there were times in my life when I was really plagued by all of it......one time, in my 20s when I was sick from it......just a prisoner of my mind......and I suppose the circumstance I found myself in back in those days.....I was in a relationship I shouldn't have been in or stayed in then too......and my conscience I think was screaming at me, by way of anxiety and panic, and I wasn't listening for a good bit......and some other things happened then too to create a perfect storm that had me spiral into a dark time, with anxiety ruling the day.......and as I type this I had forgotten about how challenging that time was......it brought me to my knees too......required a grit in me to pick myself back up......or fight my way back, using all my resources and doing whatever it took to find the light again.......so as my life has unfolded, I have had times when I am better with being anxious....... and worse........depending on what has come......however where I sit today.......I believe that I have finally conquered it......for good:) And it feels kinda amazing.......liberating and freeing in all the ways......Covid was the last thing that had me under its thumb, and when we had it at Christmas time, I was fully able to let it go.......and so now......I just don't let fear rule the day......I know very clearly that what is meant for me will always be for me.....even having Covid.......remember having that allowed me to feel free enough to do that women's event a month or so later:) Doing that women's event has opened up so many channels and connections in my life........ones that I needed to have open:) I believe that all the pieces line up as they should leading the way to the places where I am headed.......and now nothing rattles that faith......today I have my library interview......for a position I really want to be hired for......like really......and there are so many reasons why it would be great.......professionally I need a shift.....I truly do....just as the rest of my life has changed......I believe that it is time for change in my job title too:) I also am so excited for what the new role could hold for me........and it would be great alongside my building my life coaching business........just all of it.......but as much as I feel all those things deeply.......and know all of that to be true in my heart and soul.......I also know that if this job is mine, it will be........simple........there won't be a candidate that can come take it from me......because it is mine.......and the power that lies in that is intoxicating........I also know if I don't end up getting the job, that despite my initial pang of disappointment, the answer is no.....and that just means that up the road, I will understand one day why the answer was no......and something even better awaits......so either way I win.......and all of that comes from having my faith tested so fiercely......that my only choice was to cling to it......to make peace with it finally......to understand......understand that I am not in charge of it all......that I can make herculean efforts.....and I should......and I can move myself into positions to get the things that I desire.....but ultimately what is for me will come.....it will flow like a gorgeous river into my experience every single time.......the good stuff......the challenging stuff......all of it........just having me flow closer and closer to what is mine.....and drift away from what isn't:)