That is so tough right.....to not try to control what we cannot.......there are so many moving parts to my story amid the pandemic it kinda makes your head spin.......but spiraling into that place of holding on......of trying to manage and control it all too tightly is a slippery slope.....because all it does is breed anxious feelings and overwhelming ones.....what needs to happen in the day to day is for me to trust it all.......every single bit of it.....and most days I can get to that place, and certainly much quicker than I used to be able to.....to just let go and trust where I am headed and know that my whole life, every single thing has worked out for my greater good.......I have always had pockets of gifts along the way that make the traveling through easier in the day to day.......sometimes making it seamless......so there truly is no point in spending even one moment worrying about what lies ahead in any way because it does not get us where we need to be.....it doesn't serve any real purpose.....if we think of every time we have doubted stuff and fretted, we can think of a million times it was for no reason at all.....the things that occur in our minds are often so different than what is actually happening in our lives.....or ever happens......so when January hit my life, so much of my life started to fall away at a rapid rate......causing me to be unable to hang on to so much, so I just had to learn to let go.....or suffer even more than I was.....and now when worries come knocking I am learning to let them go much more quickly......to TRUST......TRUST the magical journey I am on.....the magical light that has been guiding my every step of the way.....the peace in my heart........ and hope in my life......and it is not easy......we all want to know that all is good up ahead......but that is the point right.....to trust that no matter what we go through up ahead we have the tools to walk through it.....my Nanna used to say "if you knew your troubles that lie ahead Jenny you would fold up"..........not sure about that;-)......but you certainly wouldn't want to know that a huge trial or tribulation lies ahead.......looming for you......because we would often be wrong in our apprehension about such knowledge.......because in facing those things we get to become more like us.......every time.......on the other side......so if I had known what was going to take place on Jan 7th, before that night......it would have given me unnecessary pain and grief and fear......and made me feel such dread......when in actuality it has blessed my life in ways I would never have imagined.......I feel the same about when I had Gabe.....had I known ahead of time about him and the journey I would travel, I would have feared it in ways that turned out to just not be true........in any way.......so as we travel trusting is much better than worrying.....I trust that what lies ahead of me will bless my life in the ways that it needs to, and that I will always have what I need, and that my journey is tailored to my experience in this life each and every single day........and I am letting go of the rest........and if you are reading this you should too:):):)
jperuso
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