So the dating journey continues;-) My initial assessment of how I felt it went was spot on......that we had a great time.....and he is a great person......but that he wasn't for me....and instead of trusting that.....and trusting that my intuition was speaking the truth to me.....I decided to challenge it all.......... under the lens of my trauma......thinking that maybe because he was different than any men I had dated, that I had made a mistake......and because of our misread of each other's interest.....so I persisted, and in the last couple of days, have arrived at the same conclusion......and so we are both moving along.......and the realization of this makes me feel two ways......it makes me breathe a huge sigh of relief to realize my intuition is on point, like I have felt that it is.......and that I was right......but it also makes me feel kinda upset with myself, that I let other things get in to jumble it up.... and part of it was my trauma having its say......saying because he was such a "good guy" that I should give it a shot?? Now obviously I have lost nothing....a few days of communication and one date, I am not saying this to be dramatic.....it is no big deal in that sense......it is just the awareness that I hold that as I navigate this chapter it will be tricky......I know very deeply who I am now......what I like.....what I don't......what I am looking for.....and what I am not......and never mind all the rest of the stuff that comes with dating as a single mother;-) but yeah......I know what it is that I seek......and the struggle will be to not allow the noise of the outside chatter get in to rattle that.....and because I have been so resistant to it all for so long, I will have to filter out what is real and what is just a part of the rest.....but having said all of that......that initial gut check stuff that guides us......will remain always......and I will always know what feels right......or what feels like for me.......and what doesn't.......it is that simple.....and while the date I had with that guy felt pleasant......and had great things about it......it wasn't for me.....and I knew it, and yet I allowed the guilt of not allowing it to develop more......or all manner of other stuff influence and take hold to shake that awareness......all in the name of shattering old patterns in me......and well that isn't what I am doing.....and maybe this situation was meant for this......for me to have a nice date.....to push myself to get out there, and for me to realize that I can trust myself when it comes to this too.......so that is what I am taking from this.......that my intuition is pretty spot on.....mostly......and much keener in my new life.....and I will honor that and respect that as I travel...... even when I travel through the trauma laden places.......especially then:) Excited to see who is next out there for me;-)
jperuso
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