I am guessing there is no other way to really change your life without being put under enormous pressure and enduring great pain and suffering, and the trials that come to find us in this life........I really don't think there is.......and if somebody had sat me down before all of this happened and told me what was ahead, and given me the choice to withstand the pain that would come, or stay in my life as it was..............I am not sure what I would have chosen........but I tend to think the preservation of my family would have been it........I chose that over and over again......always......I believed with every fiber of my being that it was the most sacred thing that exists in this life.......and now on the other side.......... that choice would not have been the right one.......it just would not have been......even though nobody wants to see the end of their family.......and nobody wants to see their children suffer.............and none of us want to endure pain and suffering.........if we can help it............yeah even then................ and in those spaces, though it is truly the only place where we are capable of transforming and becoming the person we want to be........the person we were meant to be..........I truly believe that...........we need to get gritty and real with ourselves and if we are brave enough to do that transformation comes next......and if we decide we are afraid of pain......if we shy away from following our soul's path we deny ourselves that transformation........the ones that change our life.........sometimes I wonder if I should have ended my marriage sooner......ended it sooner based on the circumstances, and spared myself some of the things that I endured surrounding their affair........made it my call.......picked me and my self preservation........but when that thought comes, and I am quickly reminded that because of who I was then, I was always going to choose what I thought was better for everybody else............but me........and I also would have had to know, without a shadow of a doubt that I tried everything I could to save it all......and I sure did that........there is no doubt in my mind that it is unable to be put back together and divorce is inevitable.......and I have made peace with it...........and my head rests easy on my pillow with that knowledge........so it is a moot question or thought that comes to find me sometimes, but it always ends the same way......the answer is always clear...........it had to be this way........it had to be the exact moment it was.........and all the things that lead up to that fateful Thursday night sort of feel destined too.......Covid and its pressure and circumstances, and the forging of the three of us as a unit........as I worked from home and stayed with them nearly every moment.......all leading up to the finale of pain and suffering........and I think I was at the exact moment in my life where I needed to be, ready to transform my life.......not a moment sooner.........and as I sit here typing my blog......a lifelong dream of mine........and think of the peace that has found my heart........and the fire that has found my soul.........I feel so blessed that God equipped me with the intuition and instincts that I needed, to transform my life, and not be destroyed........what a humbling gift......I have faith that he will continue to bless my journey and light my steps as I continue to transform and change my life every single day.......I have felt lead every single moment so far to the next thing I need to do to move forward..........to shed my old skin....to say goodbye to her.........and move forward to my new life........
jperuso
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