When I think of how I landed here......there are so many things that saved me along the way......little life rafts amid the tsunami that showed up in perfect and divine timing.....just so many blessings.......so maybe it was all of them that helped me find my way here......feeling happy and satisfied and inspired in my day to day......but one decision really sealed it.......and I want to stress it.......I know some have heard it before but I am hoping it inspires and touches someone new today to make the change and find their gold......I had been walking miles during the pandemic, when we first came home, with my kids........before my husband left.......I was feeling pretty good......getting consistent movement into my day to day......just walking and walking and walking......and my kids were too.....I remember one May, that first May we were home after that fateful March;-) the kids and I made a 65 mile goal for the month....... and accomplished it!! I have the pictures hanging up.....it was a big deal! But then he left amid the pandemic......and my world was spiraling, and inside of me was swirling and churning.........all of this stuff and deep feels......and intense stuff that threatened to destroy or poison me......and it had to get out.......and then.......a few days after he left.......he was on Facetime with the kids, and then she got on with my kids......and I heard it all.......as my heart was still bleeding out.......as I was still a refugee wandering in a strange land.........and afterward, as my heart was ripped out, I hopped on my treadmill and ran.......I cranked the music and ran some more.......I decided that every Facetime from that day until oblivion I was going to pour into me.......exercise.......and never look back......I had no interest in volunteering or signing up for any additional heartache........and I haven't........it has saved me......and then my nightly workout routine during Facetime.....got moved to my early morning routine...........lifting weights became a part of it......body weight exercise became a part of it........trial and error became a part of it.........and it was the whole process that saved me.......it was releasing all of it.........into my body out of my head, so key........it was the confidence I was finding as my body became stronger......seeing what it was capable of......it was the renewed energy........starting to feel really healthy.......and strong......and capable.......and it was my mental health........it kept me mentally strong every step........what exercise does for your mental health.......cannot be underestimated in any way........if you have never tried I urge you to truly.......I sorta got shoved into it...... I created habits over the summer when my life was a little easier.....it was a good launching off point......but once you figure it out......and feel its magic......not much can get in the way again......there is nothing that stands in the way of my daily workout......I make all arrangements around it......it has offered me so much solace and light in my storm......and I know it is not easy.....it eluded me for YEARS........I don't mean to imply it is simple......there are so many beliefs you have to banish to get there......I get it.......and for many years I just couldn't get out of my own way to just do it......I kept trying......but couldn't make it stick for good........it really comes down to committing to do something and then to do it again tomorrow......and tomorrow......and tomorrow......and before you know it it is there........a part of every piece of you.......I am so so grateful for the nudge I received to run that night........the nudge to move my body and not stay frozen, as the pain coursed through my veins......to move.......and in turn have it move through me too......and with each step.......each rep........each drop of sweat........I have found myself and more importantly been able to keep myself.......the gratitude I feel for that knows no bounds.....I want that for you too:)
jperuso
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