I have needed it......I think that is one of the thing that has come from this past year.....and it isn't a bad thing.....the Jenn of before was much more subject to people's opinions of her, their judgement, her wanting to be liked and understood by all, her desire to be treated the way she treats others, or tries to......but now I feel free in the fact that I am at peace with the fact that some people won't get me.......they won't understand me.......they will think things about me that are untrue and not of my heart.....and the reality is it no longer matters......because what I think of me.......what I feel inside of me is more important than anything that happens outside of me.......and it has taken me this year to grow that second skin......the one that protects me from all of that......the one that gives me permission to not care......the one that has toughened me up.......but here is the thing.....thicker skin isn't really about being tougher, at least not for me.....isn't that interesting?? It is more about me being more comfortable in my skin......and more sure of who I am.....and as that continues to unfold, as a beautiful byproduct my skin toughens up......and people are not able to rob my peace or knock me off track......cool right??? I thought so.....so in having thicker skin it doesn't need to make you a closed off person......an angry person......a person that shuts people out......it can just be used as an armor of sorts......to not allow the negativity and bad stuff get in and take up a place in your heart and mind.....and guess what I don't.......I have had to practice those skills this week, more than once.....it was a rough one.......and when the jangly feelings leave in a moment.....and the dust settles.......the person you are left with is you......and you have to be the one that loves you.......and respects you, every single time.......and I do......the woman that is here now has fought so hard to be here.....and if you know, well you know......and if you don't you never will......that is the truth.......so in fighting to be here......to make my way on the other side of the horror.......what I gained from it was a true sense of self......true comfort inside of my mind, body, and spirit.......and nobody can take that from me.....no matter what they say or do.......powerful right?? That is living in your power in every sense......being so sure........so confident.......so comfortable........that you are following your path, that anything to the contrary is just noise........and so I have indeed grown some skin.......skin that keeps me protected from the things thrown my way in all directions......skin that I earned.....and skin that came at a high price......one I will not sacrifice for anybody.......I am grateful for this skin......grateful it has found me.....it has kept me protected many times this past year......and each time it is tested it grows stronger........and my resolve deepens.......and someday, maybe sooner than I think the mean spirited actions of others won't get in at all......that is my hope! I never care what anybody else does......I am normally the friend cheering the loudest.....and I seek people that are the same! Plenty of sun for all of us.....and I wish everyone well, doing their own thing.....while I do mine.....:)
jperuso
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