The kids had a great weekend. They were tired when they got home.....but seemed to have so much fun! I had a great weekend too....just going from place to place, and where I needed to go, and getting to have such lovely interactions with people......it seemed that everywhere I went I would see somebody I hadn't seen in awhile and had such a lovely experience with them. Part of it was that on Saturday I was in no rush. I was just easily able to go from place to place and enjoy the journey. There were lines everywhere, it didn't matter. The whole day and weekend took on this feeling of synergistic bliss. I had planned to do a few things and the timing of all of it worked beautifully. I also was able to be truly happy for the kids and their ability to go to a water park and have fun. Letting go of any stress that could surround any of that. Sunday was equally as lovely. I had another day full of soul filling stuff. And all of that matters. Being intentional with our time and how we spend it helps to fill our cup amid life's stressors. The next few weeks coming up are going to be challenging for me to wrap up all I need to, and taking some time to breathe and not do chores this weekend, I definitely could have, but choosing to put that on the back burner in the spirit of taking a step back, was the right choice. All of that stuff can wait for now. When I am reminded of the difference in my old life versus my new it is startling sometimes. Worry and anxiety have left the building truly. I could fret endlessly about my kids while they are gone. Worrying about all the what ifs. But there is no point in that. This journey has solidified my faith, and my trusting in what I cannot see, and if a situation is here for us to deal with, then I trust it is supposed to be. I say a prayer and let it go. The difference is remarkable. I think when your life is spinning out of control and you are living in a situation that is bringing anxiety all of the time you try and grab onto things to help you regain control. So then it shows up in all sorts of places, and causes you to feel less control, and more anxiety, and round and round. But because my entire life was stripped away, and I couldn't do anything about it, it allows me to be free. Because if my regaining control could have saved my marriage it would have. So that situation proved that we don't have any and no herculean effort will change something unless it is supposed to, so now I let go. Finally, I think I have realized that worry is a complete waste of time and energy and I just choose not to do it anymore. Some people in my life try and draw me in, and get me to do it by asking me questions about things that would normally evoke worry. It is their own worry and stuff stepping forward, and I understand it, but I just don't join them in it. If I indulged it every weekend that the kids go with him, I literally would be miserable the entire time and tortured. Driving myself slowly insane. I won't do that. I trust God, I trust our journey, I trust in the things that I cannot see........and that is enough:)
jperuso
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