Awhile back I had written about this matchmaker dating site that my friend had offered me a free profile on. I have had this profile hanging in the ethers for over a year....;-) it is definitely an in depth one, with preferences and deep understanding about what I want and what I don't.....and last summer they had contacted me, telling me they had somebody matchmaked for me lol;) So then you do a zoom with the matchmaker to go over some stuff and see. However when I did the zoom we discovered, that my location came up wonky on their site, and the fella was in New England, so it was a no go......so I haven't thought about it much since......and then they contacted me yesterday......with a guy from Scranton.....and I am going to zoom today to see and then set it up! It may be the ultimate adventure in blind dating......I will not get to see him ahead of time......I will not plan the date......I will not have spoken to him, or read a profile or anything.....I just show up......now this way is a little safer, in terms of online dating, as he is paying for a full matchmaker service and has paid for the date ahead of time etc.....so he has skin in the game, so to speak:) and you often wait longer on this site for anything, due to the specific matchmaker stuff and preferences......but I am going to do it......going to meet up.....going to go on the ultra blind date.....it is time.....time for me to get out of my own way and explore this side of my single self......and time for an adventure.....and this counts:) I also sorta love what this represents to me.....new Jenn remembering old Jenn......there is no possibility I would have done this in my old life, besides the fact that I was married lol:) i just mean that the uncertainty of such a situation......the lack of control over the pieces......all of it.....the lack of reason and logic to some degree......I don't concern myself with those things anymore so much......free of anxiety, stress, and worry, and able to be light and free.......and trusting what experiences the cosmic wind brings me......and this happened of its own serendipitous accord.....and I am in a position to be ready to meet up with a man, and do a date......so I will......and I have spoken many times about the ambivalence I feel in all of it...... due to truly loving this time on my own......to deeply know myself and heal.....it has been a gift and totally necessary......I had spent my former years in relationships......long term ones, but still back to back.....no time to catch my breath or discern what it was I wanted......and now I am clear on all of that.......and know that worst/best case always, is that I can do it alone, and be joyful doing it......so I truly have nothing to lose now for the first time in my life when it comes to love:)......and I have successfully navigated blinding heartache, so I know I will always be ok......So now the entire thing feels more on my terms...... Seeking it out of want, not need.......And the truth is my wanting a full blown relationship still looms ahead some.....unless somebody changes my mind;-) but my willingness to step into the water and really try, and push past my self limiting beliefs has arrived.....I have realized that I have pushed past so much in my new life, but not challenged myself too hard in this area of my new life......happy to step back and retreat at every turn......it is time to grow in this place too some.....allow some experiences to step forward and embrace it all.....so to that end.....and with the spirit of all of that.....unless something happens dealbreakerish on my zoom today, I plan on saying yes and allowing this process to unfold and meet Mr. Scranton.......lol:) Stay tuned;-)
jperuso
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