However it may hurt like hell first......I have learned on this journey and very recently that people aren't who we think they are......they just aren't......and when we learn a truth about a person there just isn't any way back somehow.......and I think I feel so fiercely committed to the truth, knowing it, speaking it, living it..........because I lived so much of the years before he left in a lie.......inside a deception I did not want to be a part of.......one I was constantly fighting to free myself from in the most futile sense.......I had often told him that I didn't want him to lie, not to waste my life any longer if he was committed to continuing his affair......that I loved me life......even then.....and wanted to be free to live it with somebody by my side that was all in.....all in for me, like I was for them.......and since he has been gone.....and I realized how much of my life then was just a lie.......just a boldfaced screaming lie.........I am not willing to do that with anybody for any reason.....friend or otherwise.........and the Universe and God have been leading me on my path, and one by one stripping away the lies people hold in my life and showing me the truth......challenging me to keep my word.......have learned some powerful truths about people I have known for a long time that have really shocked me......and again recently.......so the TRUTH is I am committed to living in honesty and truth the rest of my days......I am learning so many people just aren't honest with themselves above all, never mind whether they are to anybody else......if you cannot be honest with yourself the likelihood of being honest with others is not likely......if you look at your own face in the mirror and spin a story that just isn't true.......or manipulated or spun in some way, you are incapable of offering up that truth to others......I have been guilty of lying to myself about the people in my life many times......and recently......and I think for me lying to myself about others is maybe easier for me than for me to lie about myself......I have spent a lot of time getting to know me and taking my own inventory and knowing my truth and where I fall down and fall short......and gaining clarity.....that beautiful clarity.....when it arrives it is like oxygen.......once it shines its light on a story you can see all the dark places, the hiding places......you can never go back in the dark then.....well you can.....but the darkness isn't nearly as cozy.......sometimes you have to see things you can't unsee to break FREE......sometimes you have to know something about a person and their truth and what they are capable of so you can be free........and for me that is totally true......remember my Achilles......seeing all the beauty in somebody and in a situation, and I struggle so much sometimes to see the reality staring me in the face until it gets shattered......like those one way mirrors......taking a giant sledgehammer to it and seeing the stark reality of the person behind it......unfortunately for me it takes more time......so I am forever embracing more lessons......more truth.......more clarity......more of the stuff a person needs to live an authentic life.....without shadows, blind spots, or lies......I am committed to living in light and truth, and anybody that remains in my life, in any capacity, must do the same.........
jperuso
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