Some of my life is now filtered through my trauma.....and I am hyper vigilant about some stuff....and I suppose it is OK....it doesn't seem excessive.....it kind of just is.....but my new north star is actions matching words....and looking for them to align....and sometimes even when that is the case there is stuff hiding underneath....other intentions.....ones that you can't see......until you do.....and my intincts are much better in this chapter....and there was one piece I chose to overlook in the beginning of this last little dating chapter....and it was my intuition speaking to me I think now in the space of hindsight.....and I won't make that mistake again....and it was something that I felt I was being kinda silly about.....but it was a tell......and well....lesson learned...and people are not one thing.....I honestly don't think he is a bad guy at all...and I had very lovely experiences in this little chapter that I will take with me too.......but the truth is we can only see what people show us..... and my Achilles....and what I have written of often, is that I am really transparent and I assume others are too.....that others say what they mean.....and mean what they say......and well that isn't the case....it takes time to get to know somebody and see into their depths some....and I mean it when I say I have learned a lot in the last couple of months....and it is valuable.....and I have had a lot happen to me when it comes to relationships......like a lot....more than most......and I could.....allow myself to become bitter.....and people may not like if I did........ but they would most definitely understand....and well...that is never the way....the goal is to always be better.....better over bitter on repeat......no matter what....and never jaded.....never walling myself up permanently in my Rapunzel tower;-) although sometimes it seems to be a good idea lol:) I will never live as a victim of circumstance.....I believe in my journey....no matter what comes and goes....and I take each situation as a lesson to apply in the future......for me that is all there is.....i believe in free will, but I also believe in stuff coming into our experience to help us grow.....over and over.....and sometimes it is hard to put a meaning to something....but you just know it is supposed to have happened......and the reason doesn't make itself known till later.......but I am here for all of it....keeping my wisdom in tow, and navigating it all as it comes.....I am most definitely an oddity in the dating world....and I own that....but I won't change my convictions about that, no matter what......I wish all those I cross paths with the best on their own journey....holding onto anything else serves nobody.....onward and upward indeed:) And I used my instincts in this situation to guide me, and help me move along....and that feels good....Looking forward to whatever new adventures lie ahead for me and continue to force myself to grow in the dating world, and keep myself out there, not retreating.....bravely standing there and living life on my terms....always:)
jperuso
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