My faith muscle has been increasing exponentially as of late......I have been marveling at its strength often recently......and I have been trying to figure out the how? Maybe saying goodbye to my childhood church brought it forward too...... Like how did faith grow so strong inside my soul, during the last year particularly...... And maybe it is due to my learning how to surrender.....to the things I cannot change......letting it all be.....not imposing my will or thoughts onto stuff I don't have any control over.....faith and surrender on repeat......instead of fighting it all......it is in the fight that we lose our sight......I was meditating outside yesterday morning.....listening to my fountain.....and the birds:) and remembering the time in my life where I felt I was battling so much, so hard.....and it all was just exhausting me......and maybe faith comes on the wings of losing it all.....of your life going up in smoke......and the realization that nothing you could have done could have changed it, because it is a part of the journey, meant to be in all the ways.......I am getting good at releasing things, even if there is emotion attached to them.....understanding that if they go then it isn't for me......it applies to all situations......this weekend Mads got poison ivy on her arm and then it was by her eye......I was texting with her dad's girlfriend about it......wondering if she should be seen somewhere, since it was by her eye....and she and Madeline's dad didn't think she needed to be seen.....that it would be OK and they were and I had to surrender that.....trusting their judgement while she is on their clock.....and the old me may have pushed for her to come home, not being able to let it go till she did.....and instead I took a deep breath and trusted.....and she ended up being fine and it is nearly gone and all is well.....but it was something for me to understand and witness in myself......the surrender of that, even though it involved my child......every other weekend, I say a prayer and surrender when they leave......trusting the journey.....and having faith in all of the things I cannot see......and it is big time growth for me........and even with something like the buying of the car.....something not as important as my children......the first car, I thought was it.....till I went there to feel the situation, and see it.....and I did not attach to leaving there with THAT car.....I trusted that another situation would step forward, and I would figure it out.....and I did......I guess the same has been applied to dating, or maybe my lack of dating lol:) I don't attach too much to it.....panicking....wondering where all the men are at lol:) I trust that God and the Universal juju is always afoot, and a plan will emerge when the time is perfect.......and I have locked into my intuition too, which I suppose has solidified my faith in all that comes......even thinking back to my breast biopsy and not panicking, just trusting.......I wasn't scared at all......like truly.......realizing that if that was to be part of my journey, well then it would be.....and fretting would not change it.....and as I type this I am amazed truly......and grateful beyond words......because if you knew how anxious I once was, how prone to worry I was, and plagued with the land of "what if", it is almost hard to believe that I have arrived here......doing my best to accept......riding my spidey sense into the things meant for me....or what feels like the next step, but letting whatever is supposed to materialize, and allowing the rest to fall away without chasing after it......and the peace and faith I have found has been worth every moment of pain and struggle I have had to endure.....every......single.......one.........part of the rainbow for me for sure......if you are reading this and struggling, I SEE you......I UNDERSTAND.......start small and let go some, and see the gift in that emerge.....just trust it, it is magic I promise! Enjoy the day and more sunshine today!:):):)
jperuso
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