So perspective is everything and I can appreciate that his perspective is not mine.......and that his view of our marriage is not going to be the same as mine. That is the deal.......but what I can barely tolerate is the story he tells to appease his girlfriend........all the horrible things that are said that are untrue or spun in a way that is so far from the truth it doesn't even remotely tell the story of us........and when he left that night........we had hugged and I had put my hand on his chest and looked into his eyes and said "don't forget about me, and us, and who we were and are to one another,".......he agreed and it was a really sweet moment between us......full of knowing and understanding.......a deep exchange between connected souls..........and I said those things because I KNEW...........I KNEW what would happen when he walked out our door........I knew because of the dynamic he created......and because of who she is he would have to change drastically to survive it........and the change would have to poison him against me and force him to pretend he had a horrible life and all their dastardly deeds were 100% justified because of who I was NOT WHO THEY ARE..........and it may be the largest pill to swallow to hear the spun narrative.......to watch him revere a woman who would do what she has done and intentionally destroy a family........and diminish a woman who would have gone to the ends of the earth for him and stuck by his side through it all.......so tough to live with............now I have said many times in my blog and otherwise that I was not perfect in my marriage........ it takes two to make a marriage and to see the end of it.......I own EVERY SINGLE THING that I have ever done to contribute to the breakdown of my marriage.....however for the last three years.......since I had discovered his affair.......and affair I thought had ended and then he left for her.......I worked tirelessly on my marriage......worked harder than I had ever worked at anything in my life......we went to therapy........tons of counseling.....tons of soul connecting conversations.....tons of changed behavior.......tons of looking at our stuff and examining and trying a new way.......tons of tons......and yet.......here I sit........in the bad guy seat.....with a false tale told about me......all lies to create the story for her benefit.....so she can rest easy and believe I was so difficult and impossible and all they have done was perfectly justified......and I cannot even tell you how painful and disrespectful that feels........and most days I let it roll off because really who cares what they say at this point.......my self worth is not wrapped up in their pettiness and dysfunction......BUT.........it bothers me sometimes on behalf of he and I and OUR TRUTH.........OUR SHARED LIFE..........OUR HISTORY..........OUR LEGACY..........it is painful for him to spin that in a way that diminishes a life........our life...........and again this is something I hope comes full circle........when her chapter ends.........which I know it will.......and I hope when it does..........sense returns to him...........the brainwashing fades.......and he can see things the way they were..........and help me put it to rest.........in the light that it was intended to be.......there is always hope........always a possibility..........always...........I believe.........
jperuso
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