This may surprise you when I clarify what I mean.....by responsibility......no question I have been left in the wake of all of this with awesome responsibility in all directions.....but in terms of today's blog, I do not mean any of that.......I mean the responsibility I now carry.....in terms of knowing better.......therefore doing better.....I am lit up and excited about all I have learned in the last 8 months......I know BETTER in so many different directions.....sometimes it feels like too much information to take in......to carry in my day to day......I know so much better in terms of marriage.......relationships.......how to relate to people......even ones that challenge me beyond my limits......about myself......what I am made of when push comes to shove......what sets my soul alight.......all of it.......so what do I do with ALL of it......well I don't think the answer is to keep it to myself.....much of it I want to impart to my daughter.....but I feel a really strong pull deep inside of me to find a way to share it.....in a real way......beyond my blog......beyond my FB posts........with people that need to hear it......need to feel it......need to find their own way.......in all their heartbreaking mess........because make no mistake this began, and was born in a HUGE and heartbreaking mess.......and as I have had time to clean up and reorganize, the mess has taken shape into a life......a life I only dreamed of at one point in time......but now I get to live in it every single day......and there is an awareness deep inside of me too that things will only get better from here.......like someday I will be standing somewhere in complete awe of the life I get to live.......I feel it.......some days I already feel that way......hard to explain but true in every sense.......so along with that notion........that responsibility.......I feel a deep connection to the idea of spreading it around........finding a vehicle for it to take shape......and through prayer and meditation.......I ask for those answers to come to me.......Madeline starts a private school this week........Acton Academy.......and the main premise is that we are all on a hero's journey......and we are to find our gifts, figure out what they are........then give them away.......I am not sure a mission statement has ever spoken more deeply to my heart than that......as soon as I learned of it......and read it......I knew it was for her......and what a gift that she gets to start that journey at 5! And maybe now we are both on that journey together.....at vastly different spots in our lives......but still on a similar quest......the quest to discover who we are......who we want to be......how we want to show up.......in our own lives.....in the lives of others......all of those things......and this school will stretch Madeline.....test her......push her boundaries......her comfort zone.....all of it.....and isn't that the point.......to push ourselves beyond where we are comfortable.....and get a little uncomfortable.......so we can get deeply in touch with ourselves and our path.......clearly.....and confidently.......everything we want is on the other side of fear......it is true......and anything worth having happens on the edge of our comfort zone, and when we are brave enough to travel beyond it........so I plan on walking this path with Madeline......and figuring out where this responsibility........the responsibility of knowing.......where it leads me......and I am wildly excited to find out! :)
jperuso
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