Since the mediation a little ways back.......the kids have been spending every other weekend with their dad and his girlfriend.......and it has been going very well.......they have a super fun time, getting to do fun things.....and they look forward to it......and it has become something I too have looked forward to......it is my respite in a real way......I get to plan some things to do while they are away......trying to maximize my time......and it has been really really nice.....I got to spend last night visiting and talking with an old friend and we had such a good time....I actually stayed up late which is the reason for the delay on my blog, I SLEPT IN:) And that friend and I are walking the same path and have decided to plan some adventures together on these weekends too! Exciting to think of, having some time to do that......and I was reminded of the fact that it was my willingness to let go.....let go of what I could not change......accepting this situation that has allowed this situation to evolve to where it is.....and considering all things, it is in a pretty good place.....I am able to put all of the grown up stuff aside very willingly as they do their visit......not holding onto it or making it overshadow the rest.......and it feels good......I am truly at peace with it.....and in speaking to other women I am keenly aware that it could be way worse which is why I always count my blessings in my visitation situation.......because it is fine for now.......and I also wasn't able to spend Madeline's birthday with her yesterday for the day because it fell on his weekend.....and you know what that was OK too.....it is in all the acceptance that the struggle falls away.....and sometimes how we believe something will be and how it actually is, are two different things.....in fact every time.......so I feel I am more open to letting it all be......what it is......and as long as my kids are happy and well cared for, I am fine with it......and they are.....and while they are away.....I am choosing to catch my breath.....yesterday during the day, I did some deep cleaning.......put the tree away in my room from Valentine's.....and then just relaxed in the quiet.....listening to some music and soaking it up and it was blissful......I have needed a break for so very long......and sometimes feel I may need even some more.......but in the meantime it is really nice to just know that every other week, some freedom has returned to my life......and I am keenly aware as well that most moms living in a two person household don't get the break I am getting, or some people in divorce don't either and I am grateful for what I get.......I am glad I let go of this and didn't fight this situation and have made peace with it.....His girlfriend and I are able to talk.....and I appreciate how she has been with my children and we have some mutual understanding, that is how it feels......and that is really all I could ask for after all that has happened........so this morning I will sip my coffee in the silence;-) and count my blessings!
jperuso
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