I have written often about the questions my kids ask and my answers......the reality is that despite what their dad has done to me, and the things I have been through, I never want to have them see their dad in a light that is unflattering in any way......I have no control as to what he does, but I do as to the things I say......having said that, when they are grown we can discuss some of the truth of this time, I don't think that people should live in lies either when they are grown.......and the truth is the truth........and the thing I don't think most people realize is how perceptive children are, and it doesn't require the other parent saying a word......I have not told my kids what happened.......I haven't said anything negative about their dad to them.....or his girlfriend........and yet they often understand just by the life they are living.......we headed to the dentist yesterday and were in the car for awhile........and I was asking them how they were feeling lately and if they feel happy......and they said they were happy.....and then all of the sudden Gabe blurts out "Was daddy honest with you mom".........Gabe is so intuitive.......he says things so often that are spot on and gets it all, even with the challenges he faces in this life.......and his question stopped me in my tracks......do I want to say to him that his dad lied to me over and over again......of course not......but do I want to lie to him..........I don't.......so I just told him that that was a complicated question and we could talk about it another time.......then Mads piped up and said sometimes her dad wasn't honest and sometimes he was and that it was OK.....she is always the diplomat......I love that about her and can totally relate......but Gabe often asks questions about his dad......did he do the right thing mom? He has asked me if I feel his dad is selfish? Do dads leave their families mom? And all of this coming to me without me ever indicating to them a thing.......only remaining positive about their dad.......I could never look in their faces and break their heart in that way......I give them room to come to their own conclusions......and they will in this life......and when I shed some light on the truth down the road, I will be delicate indeed......it is a delicate dance.......I truly struggle to understand people that say awful things about their exes to their children........you are only hurting your children by doing that......like how can you look at their face and say something that breaks their heart? However I am not judging people in that situation either because pain and suffering does causes people to do things they might not normally do for sure......I just struggle to understand it from my experience.....I know how the feeling can be overwhelming, and that it isn't always easy, but to actually do it is hard for me to understand........anytime I have wanted to sink low my kids always stop me......the thought of them.....their well being......their spirits.......their sweet faces......they have saved me over and over again in this story.......and I am forever grateful to them......they will never know how much........
jperuso
Comments