We cannot understand how far we have come without understanding fully where we have been......and the contrast that lies between those two places......and I believe it is that contrast that becomes one of our biggest teachers.....the contrast in our lives.....the ebb and flow.....the good and the bad.....and I have been having a ton of things come to find me lately and as I get to know my new friend........of places that I allowed in my life, and things that I accepted etc.....and I realize that when things are new they tend to lend themselves to that.....but it isn't in that context....or just that......it is in the views and manner of being that he possesses that is speaking so much to me......more in line with, and in the ways I move in this world........and I have saved a picture all of this time.......it was a picture of me the night after he left.......after I had been crying all night.....I had a feeling I should document that moment.......and my eyes look so scared and lost......and sad......and old.......and I do not even recognize me in that picture.......and I showed one of my new single mom friends who didn't know me then and she could not believe it either.......and it brought that contrast to my feet.....the remembering of being her......and being made to feel and believe stuff that wasn't who I was and not in line with the true essence of me, deep within my soul....not at all.....and my single mom friend remarked that I am a totally different person now.....like I have literally transformed myself in every way....and I feel that way.....in every way.....happy to shed that woman and find myself here.....but also using THAT woman to keep me committed to the mission I am on....to free other women.......she was lost and had been for so long, that she could not find her way until she was awaken so brutally that she had no choice but to get serious about LIVING and changing her life......and so she did.....and that woman makes me think of a mouse.....I remember just being broken in our kitchen......shoulders hunched.......tears pouring for hours......just so many tears......and that night he was the powerful one......holding the cards of our lives......and deciding to fold them.....and dismiss myself and the kids......and then somewhere in the aftermath I took that power back......and decided that he wasn't holding the cards of my life anymore....and began to feel more like a dragon than a mouse;-) it feels better for sure lol........I guess I write this this morning as it occurs to me.....but also in preparation for writing my chapter for my book.....I am working on that later.....Mads is having a sleepover, so my sidekick will be busy:)....and I will settle in and do some writing......and I write it to remind us all of the contrast.....the places we don't know until we do......places we cannot experience until we experience the darker ones......and I am grateful for the things I have been shown.....so that I can live my life in the ways that I want to.....and in the ways that are authentically me....finally......the REAL ME:) I hope if you are reading you get to do that too! Happy Saturday y'all!
jperuso
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