I am keenly aware, and more every day, of the new place I am in on this journey in this moment......I am far enough down the road to no longer live in the shadow of my marriage. Not have it looming over me, casting its shadow on the life all around me......I truly am.....but I am not yet....where I want to be......feeling ready in my soul for so much, yet not really as ready as I want to be.....need to be.....and it is kind of an interesting place to be in.....a place that is healthy to recognize, to honor, but not quite wanting to be there.....wishing to be somewhere just a shade further ahead......However that is the trap to wish to be somewhere we are not.....the most futile of wishes......instead of accepting right where we are, right where we need to be......some situations have arisen lately that have felt like loss to my heart.....because of where I find myself these days.....and sometimes you have to do things in this life that hurt your heart but that serve your greater good......it is not easy to do that......not even close but it is important......important to be true to you and not allow yourself to become what you are not because it is a temporary fix.......or because it feels really good.......standing strong in your truth even if you stand alone......so that is where I find myself, in the space in between.......the space where my old life is far enough back in the rearview mirror that it is hard to see.......open road stretched in front of me.....not quite at my next destination.......just traveling.......and there have been lovely stops along the way so far......just lovely......I have been sent the right situations, the right people, the right attitude shift to travel as far as I have already.....all of which I am so so grateful for......so a part of me wants to rail against the space in between.....fight it somehow.....but I know with all that I am that my energy is not best spent doing that......part of what has helped me be successful in this walk is my willingness to accept what comes......not fighting it......just letting it be.......and that is where the true power comes from.......in learning to know yourself deeply.....who you are in this world.....how you show up......what choices you make, and then make those choices again tomorrow that light your path.......so I won't fight it......I won't let anger sweep over me in my awareness of where I am.......I will accept it for what it is......understanding clearly that where I am, even if it is somewhere I don't want to be will get me closer to where I want to be.....and need to be......so for now I will travel the space in between......windows down......hair blowing in the wind.......music blaring........enjoying the sights as they come and knowing that every single one of them is meant for me:)
jperuso
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