Being divorced is weird......I still wince when I say it or write it.....still sometimes in disbelief that I am......the kids went with their dad after breakfast with Santa yesterday.....and I ran to Middletown to finish some last minute stuff......and I was driving home, marveling at my freedom, and in being single.......I still find that notion so strange.....surreal even......that I am indeed divorced and single......and on the weekends the kids are with their dad I feel some guilt......guilt for the moms living the once upon a time life......not getting a break.....like ever......just running and running......and I lived it for many years.....and it was wonderful but challenging too.....and I think moms should take breaks......I really do....having these breaks to do and be whatever for a couple a days a month, have been really eye opening......allowing me to accomplish what was harder in my old life......like wrapping......I wrapped in the basement for SO many years......once in awhile having somebody or him take the kids for a day to do it......or his helping me......but mostly it being really challenging......and hard to accomplish......and wrapping last night with ease was amazing.......just relaxing in it......and truth is, I would give it all back, for my life to have worked out......my marriage and family to remain in tact, and be healthy and happy......but that wasn't my path......so I MUST embrace what is......finding the linings in the clouds on repeat......and embracing all of it.......and part of that is having some time on the weekend before Christmas to prepare and do the things......so I am......have some more solo goodness on deck today to finish up, and then before I know it my kids will be back here with me.....and I will be looking forward to having them for Christmas.......being a single mom is challenging, but I never feel that way about my kids......and having the responsibility of them in the day to day......I have been so blessed to have them be mine......they are easy and taking care of them is too.......they go with the flow and embrace it all as we go......so when their dad's weekends come I never feel like "OMG I just need a break"......NEVER.......I just appreciate doing the things I need to do on my own sometimes......and being with friends and having some adventures......and the truth is being divorced comes with a lot of drawbacks.......putting you behind in your life in lot of ways......and the list goes on and on......so I suppose it is crucial to embrace what perks exist.......what silver linings come from the clouds......what sun comes after the storm.......and I believe that if that focus remains on those things.......it creates a path......a way.......on the other side......a way to help the other things fade gently into the background, making the sun shine on and on.......:)
jperuso
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