A crazy thing to have an epiphany about huh??:) I debated on writing about this for awhile, but I think it is important on the heels of yesterday's blog......sort of hand in hand...... I hope I can convey the profound nature of it......even though it was a seemingly small occurrence......here we go.......;-) I had being chit chatting with my ex's girlfriend awhile back......talking about our kids and their using things of ours and joking around about it......and she mentioned her daughters using her lotions and body stuff so often......and my blood ran cold......and I was instantly transported back to the days of the affair......and I remembered his subtle and sometimes not so subtle vibe about my not using lotion daily and some other things.....and I felt so often as if I was being compared to something I didn't understand.......because that had never been a part of our relationship.......and putting lotion on my legs or my body post shower hadn't been a priority at that point, I didn't even think of it anymore......I was running ragged, showering and jumping out and rushing to get everybody ready, lunches etc.....and get to work......no time for that stuff, and then at the end of the day, dinner, dishes, bedtime for the kids then spending time with him.......and the epiphany that visited me was this.......that I was being compared at that time to a single woman in essence, one that had already learned some of the lessons I was learning........one with much more time on her hands.............and that the reasons I was seemingly falling short in his eyes, was because I was using my energy taking care of him and our children instead of me......and the reason I understood that in that moment........is that I now have time, even with all my other responsibilities, to put lotion on most every day.......and it has come into my radar again......and the day I had spoken with her, I had already begun to do those things for myself again and got it fully.......and the truth is I own my letting certain stuff go to be swallowed up by my marriage and life.....and get so comfortable that way......but I also recognize the expectations we hold when it comes to women in this society, that are beyond unfair, if we are honest we expect a hell of a lot from mothers and wives alongside their careers and all the rest......and guess what gets cut??? Self care......for the woman......I see it in people......running ragged and no time for themselves at all.......and it is wrong........and when that epiphany hit me like a train as I was speaking to her......I immediately felt sorry for that Jenn again.....she was a little bit of a mess at the end there.....I will admit that.....and she was so overwhelmed.....wondering what was going to save the sinking ship she couldn't see straight.....lotion didn't even compute.......so if you are reading this.......use lotion as a metaphor for taking care of YOU! Put lotion on your legs and carve out the time to do that if that is something YOU want to do......lay something else down to do that.......begin each day to love on you, do small acts and big ones that show the love you shower on others, giving some of it back to you........and understand I SEE you......knowing how hard it is, within those confines to find that time for you.......been there.......but fight like hell to carve out some and it will change everything.......I promise:)
jperuso
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