So for a long time I have felt as if the Universe.....or God.....or whomever you place all of those ideas in, presents you with some core life lessons unique to you......until you finally "get it." Sort of like passing the test and moving onto the next one.....and if we pay attention in our lives we will notice trends.....things that circle around again and again......and this time in my life I hope I have officially passed my test.....because truth is I was presented with this a few times in my life......in different forms.....wearing different forms of adversity when they came knocking......and I think mine is to have faith over fear and truly let go......I tend to think I have some level of control in my life......and I sorta do to some degree I suppose.....how I choose to spend my time......what goals I set and try to accomplish.....but I think what the message I am being sent wants me to understand is this......in the big stuff I just don't have control, and my faith needs to be way bigger than my fear, if I want to maintain the level of peace I have finally found in my life......and I think I FINALLY UNDERSTAND......I think the other times I was "tested".....I maybe did Ok......maybe getting a 75%, maybe a 60% the first time;-) or maybe even an 80% the last time......but there was a part of me that was STILL resistant to fully understanding it......in a real sense.....and continued to hold on......or worry.......or fret......or hang on......or.........you get the idea......so it has taken me losing everything......certainly something I thought I could not live without for me to finally get it.......there is such power and awareness in surviving something you were sure you wouldn't.....before this happened.......during our marriage counseling days......I never even considered that losing our marriage and our family could ever yield any positive results......I was so sure that it wouldn't.......like I knew better......crazy right? Seems crazy to me now.....but true......when I have had evidence all of my life that better things have always replaced the things I have lost.......that I always have what I need and most of the time even want! That the beautiful divine dance that is my life always balances itself and moves forward as if orchestrated by some silent orchestra playing in the background of my life......so why would I ever fret for one moment over anything......???? Good question right? I think this time as my world was imploding, and the explosions continued for days and months......I had no choice but to let go and trust, or my hands were going to continue to bleed by hanging on......and in that letting go and free fall I found my freedom.......I will never lose my proactive nature and trying to do as much as I can to work toward a goal........or to prepare for something but I have learned to do that and then let go of the outcome......to not hang on......to not fear what lies ahead.....to trust with all my heart.......that what is meant for me......good or challenging......will find its way no matter what I do or don't do......I truly believe that.......and truthfully we would never welcome the hardships that come to find us before we explore the lesson......right? Because it would never seem like any good could come from the horror.......until it does:)
jperuso
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