So by doing what you did you are creating a legacy of sorts for our marriage and the end.....but so am I.......we each got to take the piece we were left holding and decide what to make of it, and what to do with our legacy in this......in the end......and that carries an awesome responsibility......because it lingers......it will forever be imprinted on the hearts of our children and they will carry it into their lives........and I think I have trouble coming to peace in my heart over yours.....Our love story was one of my favorites.....we were crazy about each other in all the best ways you can be......swept up in a storm that neither of us could stop.....totally captivated by each other and willing to jump in both feet, never looking back, just trusting it......and the joy and love you brought into my life will always stay with me......always......and I will always remember that feeling of falling for you all of my days......it was magic......but in the now we are left in the horror of the end......and that is tough for me.......because people tend to not remember the beginning of things while remembering or writing historical accounts......it is the end that stays in their minds.....and our love story is most certainly tarnished in the biggest of ways in the eyes of all the people that loved us......and there isn't anything you can do to change that.......that black mark on the side of our sweet little marriage was made by you......by your giant black marker.......by your final selfish and deceptive act........but see I am not content to sit and stare at that black mark and leave my legacy in this alongside yours......or make my own black mark, I am committed to making the mark I leave in the end matter.....taking this horror that has befallen me, and our children and make it into something beautiful......and I truly believe I will......believe I have in the day to day to some degree already done that for some folks.....and it feels so humbling and awesome to turn this pain into something tangible, something real, something that heals........I am not content to leave our love story with that ugly ending......and my hope for the future is that I can use what has happened to touch other women or men living in it too......and help them find themselves and their way through it.....make a path......make a legacy to balance their black mark.......have power too.....find themselves.....learn to love themselves.....rise from the ashes......and find their wings and voices.....not be ashamed.....not hide.......not feel worthless......not think it must be them....not any of that.......my hope and wish for the future is that my pain and suffering will be used to help people and to do something that really matters.......and fill a space in our society that is enormous.....there are not many resources for people that walk this path......yet so many people do......I want to help change that......so I am taking that love that I poured into you.......into our marriage and transforming it.........transforming it into love for myself and love I can share with others.......and that feels pretty amazing.......trusting my journey and what lies ahead.......and feeling it is going to be pretty great:)
jperuso
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