The last time.....

I remember writing about this early on in my journey.....musing about the last times in our lives, and never knowing when they will be....the last time we have dinner with a grandparent before they pass....or a huge family dinner with the key players in attendance.....the last time we pick our toddler up.....the last time we see a friend that we part ways with.....the last time we rock our babies....so many instances of "last times" in our lives if you really think about it.....and I remember in the beginning feeling as if had I known so many things were the last time for my family of four, before my ex left, I would have savored them longer, held them closer, paid attention more.....like the last time we all had dinner together etc.....but I guess as my evolution as taken hold my perspective on that has shifted some.....I think we need to just seek to be more present in general.....reveling and being present in all parts of our lives.....I am currently on the beach watching the sun come up again, and I made a choice to choose that moment this week each morning to capture and be present in......enjoying the peace and beauty that is found on the beach in the early morning hours......I am keenly aware that my sweet and generous Uncle Dave won't live forever, and these OBX trips, as we know them, will have an expiration date, just like all of life's transitions.....and I can always bring my family here but it would be different for sure....so this week brought that notion to the forefront of my mind......the taking the time to revel in what is....soaking up the moments with my kids.....Gabe is getting so old so fast and Mads is too and I want to catch it all.....the last time we were in the OBX I didn't know it was the last time my family of four would be here......and I remember then even trying to make the most of the moments despite the incredible weight I was carrying.....but now I truly understand that the hanging on to anything too tightly is a trap in this life.......fools gold.....we need to loosely hang onto moments and people.....let our hearts feel all the magic found in life......I contemplated rolling over and sleeping longer this morning, but sitting out here seeing it all, capturing a moment over sleep.....the better choice ;-) each morning the sunrise has been totally different, but amazing each time......this morning it is pink and blue feeling......soft and subtle....the clouds in the sky gorgeous......a dragonfly is flying around.....a sign my musings are being heard. It has always been a sign of loved ones that have passed that I hold dear......so I seek to not worry about the "last time" for anything in my life.....or any situation.......just revel in what is right in front of me.......the sun is hot pink this morning and pictures don't do it justice.....but man is it a gift to my life......So today we swim some more....head to watch the wild horses run on the beach.....enjoying our family time.....taking it all in......I hope there are more OBX trips as we know them up ahead, but know if for whatever reason there are not, some magical exchange will come to take its place.....we never lose things in our life I have learned....we just transition into others.......doors closing, so others can open......and I am here for all of it :) Morning y'all:)