We had such a fun day yesterday......getting to go on a pontoon boat at a lovely lake house.....pulling up to an ice cream place and having ice cream on the boat! Gabe was excited to meet one of Renee's relatives, and has been for some time. Their welcoming of him, and the getting of him touched my heart.....it got me to thinking about how important it is for people to be kind.....like really kind.....and how much kindness my kids are surrounded by on a regular basis.....their circle of people expanding every day....when they go with their dad too they are meeting new people often, and having positive experiences, and endearing folks left and right to them.....I sometimes wonder how they will remember this time in their lives.....especially Mads.....will they think of it with some fondness.....the new adventures.....the love......the care that came to find them from all directions.....or will it still be wrought with deep sadness and grief.......or maybe both.....I guess it is possible to hold an experience in your heart in two places.....a place of sadness and a place of happiness......I live in that space as this chapter unfolds......grieving what I must and rejoicing in the light that has found me......I hope my children feel the same one day......when we talk about this time, and I listen to their grown up perspective, recounting their childhood memories and listening to the legacy that lives in this time and space......I know I have tried to balance the horror and sadness of this time for them with as much light and hope as I could muster......but however they have experienced it, I will honor that experience and be eager to listen......resisting coloring it with my own......that is the thing.....we never really know how we impact our children and their experiences until after.... even with the greatest of intentions and we can only hope that the good stuff we do helps balance the rest.....I know for me this time will remain such a special time.....when I look back and am an old lady.....I will feel such fondness for the adventures the kids and I got to take in our second act....and the people we met and the hope that was found in each new day......today we head back to visit with the same folks.....to do some swimming and celebrate some birthdays and have some fun......and I am just grateful.....grateful to have the people in my life that I do......grateful for meeting new people......and grateful for what is guiding my journey each day to do what I do, and for the smiles and healing I see in my children as we wander.......when I think back to the beginning of this, I wasn't sure their hearts would ever feel anything but immense pain.....and I guess mine too......but I am grateful that wasn't true and that we were able to find healing amid the ashes and hope amid the flames......we are having a lovely visit and are excited for a brand new day! :)
jperuso
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