I have wanted to remain in this house from the beginning.....and the truth is I love this house, especially in the warmer weather.....I have a great outdoor space and my yard is so pretty.....but it is a lot of work.....it is a big house, 4 bedrooms, 3 baths....and the outdoor is huge too. In the current market, renting somewhere makes no sense, and buying a smaller house at a higher interest rate doesn't either......so stay here I must........yesterday I tackled some of the leaves.....I had done so many in the fall, and my dad had helped too, and yet still drowning in them lol:) and it just felt a little overwhelming......I have lots of painting to do inside......trim that needs to be painted white to match the trim we had started when he was still here.....my deck has to be stained this year......it was new and never done yet.......and my kitchen still remains undone.......and sometimes all the "stuff to do" threatens to overwhelm......and I know it will get done......I was telling myself that yesterday as I looked at the yard.....knowing that if I focus on one section at a time, and be consistent it will be done at some point......same with the indoor stuff.....bit by bit, step by step, it will be done......but sometimes it feels like a lot for one person.....I am forever grateful I can do it all.....that I am strong enough, and able bodied, and have already surprised myself at what I have done on my own......and have appreciated any help I have gotten.....but the truth is it is in those spaces I get overwhelmed sometimes......and standing in the yard, buried in leaves, felt a little lonely......I have written about being grateful I don't feel lonely often......but every once in awhile it comes to find me......and it is not to say that I only wish for company to help me do the work, lol:) That isn't what I mean.....I think it is a partner type vibe I seek......it is actually also one of the places my ex and I excelled at.....working as a team to accomplish a job or task, and feeling the satisfaction after.....so perhaps as I type this, that is it.....that is where the feeling comes from......the absence of one of our healthier spaces......so I am trying to shift my mindset.....not start with the list of things to do, and let it drown me......just methodically make a move to start chipping away at the mountain in front of me.....knowing that it will lessen, and the load will lighten with each thing I complete.......and being mindful of my spirit about it.....not viewing it as an unpleasant thing but viewing it as opportunities to make MY place the way I want it....the place that I believe I will need to remain for the forseeable future.......I am looking forward to spring and summer and being outdoors and enjoying my place even more! and the kitchen......well I still trust the answer will present itself......someday.......Happy Saturday!
jperuso
Comments