Fortress can mean a person or thing not susceptible to outside influence or disturbance. Beyond a physical fortress that protects a city.......and sometimes I recognize I have built some walls around me.....a fortress indeed, in every sense of the word......and when I think of the why.....it isn't because I am afraid of being hurt.....I really mean that.....which may seem odd, considering how hurt I was in the aftermath of my marriage.....but it really isn't that.....I KNOW nothing will touch me like that again, and not because I won't be invested, just because of where I have evolved......connected to everything....attached to nothing:) but this fortress comes more from a fierce protection of THIS life......the one I have created on the other side of it all......the one that is dripping with peace and happiness.....and ease.....even among the challenges.....THIS life is the easiest one I have ever lived.......in all the ways that matter......I may be colder in the winter ;-) keeping my heat low......juggling bills.....making it all come together.....juggling being one person amid all my responsibilities.....covering pick up and drop offs, and activities.....and having lots of chores.....yeah lots ;-) BUT......it is still easier:) So the source of my fortress is that.......my protection of that EASE.....and not having wanted to give it up for things that didn't seem easy....or maybe not so much easy....but just ease filled.......the people in my life need to share my desire for that too.....especially romantically......I had written about not being sure about marriage again.....and I am open to having my mind changed but it truly is not on my radar......and most days I am not sure I would want to live with a man again either not full time.......once you live as a grown woman, sans a man, it is kinda magical lol:) I have to say.....but there has also been a place in me that has recognized my needs......and beyond the physical ones that I spoke of yesterday.....well beyond that.....and so I am being brave....and working on letting down some of my walls in the name of taking a chance....and so far there are so many green flags.....like true green flags....and it is strange because I have always seen men come bearing red ones....red ones I did not want to see at the time, because I was so willing to look at the good stuff in them.....but I said actions matching words is my new north star when it comes to men.....period.....and when those things do not align.....then there is nowhere to go from there.....I need a man of his word.....with integrity....that honors the things I do....is loyal and honest in the ways I am.....I wrote a list.....and have kept it close....and so far my new friend is keeping up with my list :) By chance....:) so I for sure have a fortress built around this beautiful city I have created within me.....filled with life and beauty....excitement and aliveness......and I am the gatekeeper....being mindful of who I let in...knowing that is of the upmost importance.....we have a beautiful adventure planned for Sunday, that I am excited for, it is the weekend before my birthday:) And I am inviting him some within my gates....remaining clear and wise amid the lowering of my walls.....like Rapunzel.....wanting to let down my hair.....:) Working on it.........
jperuso
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