I have had a profound shift in terms of the beliefs and thoughts I hold regarding relationships in this chapter......I think early on in life we are conditioned to believe that there is one person for us....and if we don't make it to little old people status with that person.....we have failed.....and going through what I have has really challenged my notions around all of that.....I think when you reach middle age.....divorced....with kids in tow, you can easily get swept up in the notion that if you can't picture getting married to a person right away.....then why bother.....and I so disagree with that now.....I have come to believe that we meet the people we are supposed to.....when we are supposed to....and learn from them....and hopefully have them learn from us.....and if their walk is only a year......or two or three......or whatever.....it really doesn't matter.......now I do not say this to discount the beauty found in those couples that found each other, and are committed all of their days.....there is NOTHING that touches me more than that.....I just LOVE love....especially, the loyal, real, deep, fierce kind......so I am not minimizing that in any way.....but the fact remains that THAT love.....is kinda rare.....right?? Finding two people that are going to commit in the same ways....and do the work, that that kind of relationship requires.....is rare.....but for some other folks and for myself in my life at the moment......I think that I am called to have an openness to share my life, and my time with good people.....people I trust and enjoy.....good energy......and if it is romantic for a bit so be it.....but ultimately not build a cage around it.....making it have to be anything that doesn't suit me or serve me.....and maintain my morals and boundaries in it all too, as I have done so far.....and I know love has a mind of its own....and when love steps forward, all bets are off:) And even though some people may look at my story and feel as if I have been unlucky in love.....I don't agree.....I have found love in this life, real and alive love, a few times.....more than my fair share.....and it was magical every time....and I loved it nearly the whole time, in all of those relationships......I have lots of stuff coming up for me now in my life....and stuff I want to work on, and accomplish, and give my energy to, alongside taking care of my kids really well.....so another marriage or huge relationship.....doesn't feel like a desire I hold right now...at all.......and life may change my mind:) And I am forever open to that.....but this new situation that has stepped forward for me, feels as if it steps into that framework in the ways I want that to be....to connect and hang with another human, that happens to be a fella....and see what we see, no expectations.....just walking in each other's stories for now......lots of common interests and a shared sense of humor:) and the potential for a great friendship alongside the rest..... and I feel as if I manifested it some.....as that has been my desire....some male energy, like minded, friendship, etc.....without giving up all I have found, or taking too much energy away from consciously raising my kids, and being devoted to them.... and all these gifts I have found, I am currently fiercely protective of.....and I make no apologies about that.....and I say none of this in a non committal way....or avoidant.....I challenge myself in those places....but I just say it to shed light on some of what I have learned......I believe the people we meet become teachers....and are instrumental in our growth in whatever context.....and we should be willing to give things the opportunity that may be out of the box some.....and I am open to doing that as this unfolds.....I held traditional views for a long time.....and I don't regret it....and it served me.....but it just doesn't anymore....and I need to adapt to my new life as it comes....and take down those cages, so I can truly be free:) Stay tuned;-)
jperuso
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