Yesterday got crazy some.....we started PSSA...... and well......I could write blogs for days about state testing....but will spare ya;-) Oh and it was a full moon lol:) Mads also had an exhibition at her school......they do a unit of work, and then present every 8 weeks or so, and the exhibition is at 3:15.....and I am beyond grateful that my boss recognizes my role as a mother too, and is understanding....his mother had a job that allowed for her to come to his stuff, and he knows how important it is to kids, and I deeply appreciate that......more than he knows.....but there was not much coverage yesterday to go around due to the change in all of our schedules, and testing.....and Mads really wanted me to come.....and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pull it off this time.....and I talked to her in the morning when we were getting ready.....trying to gently warn her it may not happen.....and that I would do my absolute best to pull it off.....and she said that is OK mom......I trust you, you always find a way to make everything work......and wow right? Especially when sometimes it feels like I am flying by the seat of my pants, quite literally:) My girl says the sweetest stuff to me often, that I am her favorite person......that she appreciates all I do, and the ways I show up for she and Gabe....that she loves me SO much........and she had also had a nightmare yesterday morning, and was crying when she woke up....she had a dream that somebody came and took me away and she never saw me again......and I know it is a result of the inner workings of her life playing on her psyche.....and it hurts my heart for her......the magnitude of motherhood is enormous....and special needs mothering.......but add the single mother part and well.....epic proportions......I told her there is nowhere that I could be that I wouldn't be with her....nowhere......they are both my greatest blessings every single day, and all I do is for them.....and to try and create a life that serves our new narrative.....and I am still so grateful and marvel at how well they are both doing in spite of all that has found them......and they work really hard at it.....at the healing part and being OK and thriving despite it all...we all do.......but they genuinely seem to have adapted and moved past so much of the hurt that had found them originally.....and that makes my heart sing......and I would be lying if I said I don't feel some pressure and responsibility in that.....to do anything and everything in my power to help them.....and nurture them beyond their trauma......and I know that a portion of it will live inside of them forever....but I also know that they are so resilient and fierce.....and open to all of it......embracing our new lives.....just like I have.....we are my favorite party of 3....and when the 3 of us are together it feels like home......in every single way:) I am so grateful to my co worker that covered me yesterday so that I could maintain hero status in my gal's eyes:)
jperuso
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