Being the bad guy is something I have grown accustomed to......forever having that title pinned on me in this process....having stuff flipped around, and put on me....and that continues to be the case nearly 4 years later.....sigh.....but as long as you are pointing fingers at somebody else, you don't have to look at your own stuff right? Age old.....and I have never said I am perfect, and I have owned my parts of this story.....every story, every life, every circumstance has two sides.....but in the cases where the bad guy crown is placed on me in this story it is absurd......like ridiculously so, considering all the truth of it all.....and I won't get into that, and defend, or express all of it.....there is no point in that, and I don't need to.....I do not need to defend myself to anybody.....I know deeply the things I have done, and worked through, and continue to to make this situation work on repeat....and what I have been up against since day one.....and so do the people all around me, and even my children have articulated all of it too, on their own.....things I did not realize they realized......and I didn't have to say one word....not one....and being the bad guy used to make me wild......make me want to scream from the top of the mountain about why that wasn't so......try and impart reason and logic and sense where there has been none.....and continues to not be.....and now I don't waste my energy or time on that....I have much better things to spend my energy on.......and I have surrendered to being the bad guy in the story despite my not being the one that _____________.........and here is the sad truth besides that......I would proudly wear the bad guy title over, and over, and over to get to live THIS life........my divorce, and his leaving, was without a doubt one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.....EVER.....and I do not say that snarky and smug, I say that with all of my heart, and with the upmost amount of sincerity......it was time for us to part ways and live our own lives the way we wished to live them.....and that way was not in line with each other any longer......and while I will forever dislike the way it all happened.....the ugly ending........I have deep acceptance for the fact that it did.....and I am so so grateful for that......And when I get reminded of things further, and see stuff happening, that gratitude surrounds me even more. I was spared........And while I am busy being made to be the bad guy always.....he is not the bad guy for me......I don't spend time pinning blame and spending any time at all making fault a thing.....there is no point......here we are .........with things that need to be addressed....and fixed.......and my plan is to address them and do what needs to be done to figure it all out.....Today I am home with my sick little gal and will be speaking on a summit this afternoon.....and choosing to not spend my energy finger pointing, and working on stuff that matters, and moves life forward.....for my kids and I.......and fully accepting my role as the bad guy......and finding peace amid that......The bad guy has cool stuff to do:) I am so excited for this afternoon! :)
jperuso
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