Being the bad guy is tough.....it is tough when you have to step up to do it.....to be it......and it is tough when you are falsely accused of being the bad guy.....when really all you seek is peace and ease....and I have been blessed to find my fair share of both......however, there is a place in this story, as it pertains to my children and their dad, that requires that peace to be challenged from time to time......and we are at that place.....I need to step up, and be the reason, the protector, and the sense in this story right now, to do what is right for my kids, and it will likely have me suit up in the bad guy gear from everybody's perspective......and everybody else in the story will wish things could just go back to the way they were before the catalyst arrived this weekend.....wanting to forget it all, and default to status quo......but that is no longer an option.......and I am the one that is a part of the story that can see it clearly.....because I have no emotional attachment to parts that are making it cloudy for the other people in the story.....and my love of my children is not a barrier to that clarity at all, so it is up to me to step up and be the voice of reason.....and it will not be popular......of that I am certain.....but the only responsibility I have is in protecting my children and their well being......above all else.....unpopular or not.....and the truth is I have lived as a villain the whole time in this story, when I have done my best to do things I would think would garner some respect and acknowledgement from the other side, but has fallen on deaf ears and gone unnoticed.....and I suppose maybe in the absence of them that awareness may come......so it doesn't matter in a real sense what I do......I have lived in the bad guy narrative all along in the eyes of them......and I may temporarily with my kids.....and that part feels hard......but maybe not, not sure yet......but I am called to do what is right.....and I have known deeply that I would know when the time was right to intervene in a way that would change the landscape of our custody agreement......and that time has come.....and I cannot emphatically say enough that my goal is for my kids to see their dad, and have him in their life.....and be a part of his no matter what happens moving forward, that is my goal.....always.....but now it must look different than it has......and that will be the challenging piece....to navigate the agreeing of that, the working out of that, amid our challenged communication, and amid his choices in his personal life.....so I will spend some time figuring out the next move....and what it is I should do....and how I should proceed. Not being hasty in my reaction.....or actions.......and I will pray that divine guidance will arrive to bring the wisdom necessary to move forward.......Amen......
jperuso
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