This might get a little deep, so humor me some if ya would;-) In light of my stepping into 2024 leaving some things behind in the last year very intentionally, I have been reminded of a certain phenomenon......one I have experienced before......when something starts to become no longer for you....a place....a situation.....a friendship.......a relationship.....any of it.....I believe there starts to become Divine or Universal nudges.....beginning to make us uncomfortable....from God, Source, the Universe, Spirit.....however you want to see or it, or feel it.......or whatever resonates with you:) And since we are rolling through our lives equipped with free will, we get to decide if we listen to those nudges and taps....to acknowledge the discomfort.....if we decide to feel those first warnings.....and heed them.........always being led to where we are supposed to be gently.....but if we continue on....choosing to ignore those warnings.....they become stronger urgings from the powers that be......more insistent.....more frantic.....and upping the ante........until finally we are shoved out of the way, out of danger.....in a very real way.....and while it can be painful and sometimes traumatizing, it becomes crystal clear that we have no choice but to listen now.....and act accordingly....and if I look back on my marriage there was a ton of "Universal nudging" and "divine coaxing" and God trying to plead with me to break free.....and I stayed....hung in.....it is what I do....it is both one of the better parts of me, but also one of the more problematic ones.....I forever give the benefit of the doubt and believe....I mostly believe that what people say is honest.....at least as honest as they can get with themselves...and because I don't have deception in me, or seek to deceive others, I don't readily see it in others....I am pretty straightforward and particularly now....I am who I am out loud....but other people are not....and so I don't always feel the warning shot.....or even pay it any mind....until it becomes THAT shove.....the one.....the one that makes me know it is time....time to lay it down....and sometimes I cringe when I think about how much longer my marriage would have gone on if he hadn't left.....how much longer it would have taken for me to be the one.....the one to walk away and destroy our family.....I am not sure.....and I am glad he left when he did....it feels merciful now to think of.....instead of staying in all that futile saving part any longer.....and I don't fault my old self so much, I give her grace.....I bought Mads a mother daughter journal for Christmas.....she loves writing too....and we did some pages last night....and the first page asked me a bunch of stuff about me, and then she had to answer the same questions....and we had so much fun.......learning more about each other....and one of the questions was what do you like the most about you.....and I sort of sat there for a moment wondering what I should put....and then Mads said you should put down how much perseverance and grit you have mom:) And it touched my heart.....because that is true....I can own that compliment.....there is never a time when I don't pick myself up....no matter how intensely I have been knocked down....and it made me think it is also the part of me that keeps me stuck in situations a little too long sometimes.....waiting for that Universal shove, instead of heeding those more gentle nudges that come before......but maybe as time goes on I will get better at it.....I already have for sure....have proven it the last three years in certain circumstances.....removing what is no longer in line with what I want for THIS life.....the one I fought so hard to have......so I wanted to share this to offer food for thought....is your life nudging at ya.....is there a little voice insisting you make a move, a change, a voice you are quieting or ignoring??? You need not worry though.....because if you don't listen to THAT voice.....it will eventually become a shove....one that shoves you out of the way of what is no longer meant for you and toward what is:) And always arriving right in time:)
jperuso
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