Merry Christmas Eve:) I love this day and the anticipation leading up to Christmas and the excitement......I have some last minute stuff to finish, some cleaning up to do, and a grocery order to get. My kids will be home later, and we will head to my brother's church for the service.....then home to get into bed and wait for Santa;-) I am focusing on all of that magic and not allowing a stark reminder of my situation this week drag me down.....This week I had a question about the garage door opener....there is something wrong with it.....and all along in this story my ex and I have not communicated about anything and continue to not. However due to the holiday approaching, and our third anniversary of his leaving coming, I thought perhaps I could extend the opportunity again for him to show up in a different way in this story....so I texted them both on a group text asking a simple question.....one that I am fairly certain he knows the answer to. And if he doesn't then that could have been expressed to but the text got ignored.....and I am glad that those things don't affect me the way they once did.....because I have learned to know and say.....that is on YOU......YOU get to decide who you want to be in this story, just like I do.....and whatever petty nonsense my question provoked in them is on them.....so it is duly noted......another attempt made to evolve our narrative has been declined.....and sometimes I marvel at the amount of effort he and I have put into the aftermath of our divorce in such different directions.....we could not have walked this path more oppositely if we tried.....the effort he puts into his shunning of me is amazing to me....and so unnecessary....and such a waste of time and energy and his soul.........and I know that it is a dynamic that stems from the relationship he has with his girlfriend based on the affair and all the deceit etc.....she is responsible for the way he treats me too even though she says otherwise.....it is a group effort.....and she communicates with me solely because it is easier, and necessary with the kids....but she in no way wants he and I to have a healthy relationship as friends or co parents.....not even a little bit.....and from where I sit it all just seems petty and absurd......and unnecessary.....I am never going to want him back or even consider it.....I was thinking the other day that if we talked and it got heated, if I could even argue with him? And I don't even think I could, that is how little I care now.....so it seems so strange that we cannot just communicate, human to human.....let the past die.....lay to rest.....and proceed for the sake of our kids in a new space??? My desire endlessly for them.....However again, I know....deeply....that is on YOU....on HIM....and that is what I have learned to say about the betrayal that has found me from folks in my life in this story.....it is on you....you need to live with the way you treat or have treated me.....and I can only do what I can to resolve it or extend olive branches.....till it becomes clear that is not worthwhile.....so this garage question was another chance, another opportunity.....to live in a different story....and it is clear the story they have crafted is the one they want to live in......not a thing that can be done to change it.....so for today my heart lies in the magic of Christmas....and not giving much air time at all to the actions of others.....focusing on my truth, and creating the magic of the holiday for my kids! Enjoy the day y'all:)
Update- I Googled my garage door challenge and fixed it! Room for growth for me for sure to continue to grow in confidence in solving that man business lol! Yay! Feeling accomplished!
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