Surrender

Surrender is such a complicated notion. When one thinks of surrender they think of giving up their power. To surrender is the "act of yielding, or resigning one's person." I feel like 2020 was a year of surrender for me but 2021 will make last year look like a walk in the park. I had to let go of so much, accept so many hard things, and a new way of life. As I travel the road I am currently on I feel like I am faced with the act of surrendering daily for the greater good of the situation. Surrendering to save my children and have this not destroy them. I am shocked in just a full week at how many things I have had to let go of already. So many situations I have to surrender to to protect my children, and navigate this as well as possible. As I look at the road ahead I know that this entire journey will require me to be better at 'letting go." I have always loved a sense of control in my life, I mean who doesn't? I have worked hard over the years to tame those urges and balance them in my life. Some days I do better than others. Throughout this process I am thrown into an extremely uncomfortable situation almost moment to moment. My entire soul is uncomfortable with all of what I am experiencing in the world. My stomach hurts, my heart hurts, my being hurts. My instincts are to lock in and try to control what is happening to me, fight it all with all that I have, which only continues to fuel all of the turmoil that is currently swirling in me. Most of the times I have been able to step out of the situation for a moment and surrender to it, to let go, and accept what is happening. To just breath through it and let myself know that fighting it isn't going to change it. Reminding myself to stay out of the storm of other's lives and just live my truth. To find my power in taking the high road at every turn, to not give into myself and inflame an already burning situation, to breathe and think before I react. Despite the brutality of all of what I am enduring, my power lies in my ability to remain true to myself and choose the way I will walk down the road ahead. I may have to surrender to so many things as my future unfolds but I will never have to surrender my integrity and who I AM!