Christine McVie passed the other day........so much talent and Fleetwood Mac may indeed be one of my favorites of all time.......something about their music that makes you feel some kinda way......so yesterday I was driving to work and the song "Songbird" came on the radio......and the blood in my body ran still......it stopped me in my tracks.....at my wedding somebody sang that song......and as the lyrics and melody took hold in the air in my car I was transported in an instant to that day.......and all the magic and love that was found there....and the remembering of such a special moment.......and then I was just as quickly reminded of the stark contrast that exists now.......and it brought great sorrow to my heart.....swiftly and intensely.......I cried as I sang those familiar words......letting the grief I carry every day, come forward and have its say.......letting it fall from my heart and my eyes.......and when something happens that brings that kind of grief to my doorstep.......I am reminded of the shock and awe of it all......the absolute disbelief I still possess in my soul for where we ended up.......and how the story ended........still shaking my head.......still in disbelief.......still horrified........still wildly disappointed.......and as the song played I was sitting in the pew with him, holding his hand.......as we watched Kim sing the song at our wedding.......hearing the words......such beautiful words......such a beautiful sentiment.......such a beautiful song......and I think those are the moments that are important in healing.......I could have switched the station.......I could have.......especially knowing how emotional it was going to make me feel.......but I needed to stand in that space.....tolerate it......feel what it came to show me, and then move on......and I did......the entire experience bringing me the feeling of it all......the remembering of once upon a time.....the places I had been in my life......a space that was valid and real at one point despite its contrast in the now.......allowing myself to acknowledge it and not negate its existence because of how the story ended......love really did exist at one point.....I believe that......I did not imagine it all......sometimes I have to remind myself of that.......that despite what has happened.......it was real.......and other people lived those lives.....people that I always hold space for......and mourn some......and maybe will forever........
jperuso
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