Solitude is the state or situation of being alone.....which I am a lot in my new life.....and it has been, maybe the one thing that initially was harder on me, the deafening silence, and now I enjoy the most....I enjoy my time alone, and seek to have some now, when I have done too much peopling lol:) I have always loved to connect to people and be super social.....but I find this chapter is much about solitude.......protecting my energy, or just spending time on my own......and not feeling lonely......mostly......there have been some pangs of that lately. That is new.....every once in awhile I feel like I am missing more companionship in my life, being alone too much, as it stands now.....but for the most part I just sink into the solitude that is found in my single mama life......it is much quieter and more peaceful.....and easier in lots of ways, despite the workload attached to it.....and as time has marched on, I have started to realize why being alone for too long is dangerous lol:) it sets you up to have high standards in giving it up, to anything or anyone.....knowing that whatever comes along to vye for your attention, needs to be better than how your solitude feels......last weekend I chose to be on my own a lot....doing some stuff I needed to, and taking care of stuff.....and then Sunday I spent it with friends.....and it was the balance I needed.......and I think the part that strikes me most, is that most of the people in my life are in marriages or with people, and I sort of hang on the fringe of those lives.....by choice and by circumstance.....and when you are in a couple all of that feels different somehow...it is kind of hard to describe how it feels to suddenly and abruptly become the single person in your life.........but what has been kind of eye opening for me, is how valuable the time I have spent alone has been so far....never having been on my own so fully in all my life.....I lived with my parents.....went to college and lived with roommates.......then shortly after graduation lived with a long term boyfriend for a long time, and soon after that ending living with my ex for 20 years.......I have lived with other folks all my life....and while I am blessed that my children live with me mostly now, it is still different than living with grown ups.....and I guess the solitude part has struck me lately in a more real way...my feeling it and understanding that it has both pros and cons.....it can be a little dangerous too, I can feel myself getting too comfortable alone and slipping into it some.......so I force myself to be more social....and make plans, and get out into the world some beyond work. I did decide to pick up some shifts at the brewery every other week when my kids are with their dad....so that will be a step toward balancing this part of my life some......an intentional decision to fill many needs and get out there......However I value my alone time, and think it is healthy to do so....I think learning to sit with yourself, and all that comes with it, is something that most people don't do enough, or have the opportunity to do......based on the nature of life.....and I am grateful for this experience....to learn to embrace becoming "my person" to myself, and learning to rely on and spend time with myself in a way that brings me joy and peace and is enjoyable......an experience I never thought I would have once upon a time.....but here I am....and life can kinda be like that;-)
jperuso
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