As I type this the snow is coming down and just dumping.......and it is a reminder of the full circle of the last year......it was around this time and I was in a similar spot.....and the heavy snow saved me......it gave me an activity to focus my energy.....a huge mountain to climb that needed to be climbed immediately, no time to lament and wallow, and gave me respite from my heartache......at least while I was battling it........and it was a gift last year to me......truly..........I had to contend with it.....or get snowed in completely......I had to prove to myself I could do it.......that I was able to remove all that snow........by myself.....and I did! It was another exciting and exhilarating step of my journey........so today when the sun rises......and it warms up a little bit;-) I will face it again....with my snowblower........and it will feel the same to me......another standoff between myself and the things that need to be done when you are on your own......and it is in those things that I find my way......my confidence.......my will.........my way to move on.......proving....knowing.....and understanding that I am here to save myself......I can call a plow guy and I have a friend that is always willing to help, but the fact is I am capable of doing it......I enjoy it!.......I enjoy knowing that I can care for myself no matter what......that I can do WHATEVER I need to, to take care of what I need to to charge ahead.........and that feels amazing in ways that are hard to explain........this past year has been about me learning what I am capable of.......emotionally........physically......spiritually......all of it......learning how I could stretch myself.......and I continue to learn each and every day what things I can hang onto in this life and what things I need to let go of.......what people I have to let go of.....and what things no longer serve my journey and my way forward.......and the truth is I will always choose me now......always......not to say I cannot share a life with somebody, but I will choose my well being inside of any confines I find myself in........remaining true to myself authentic all of it........so as I face the day I am excited......excited to fire up my snowblower, LOL;-) Have missed it......and excited to prove to myself that I can do hard things....and the snow is timely.....there are some things showing up that have proven not to be for me......requiring me to focus my energy and spirit on what is in front of me......giving me purpose and a way to channel my energy and that is a very good thing.......above all else I TRUST my journey with every piece of my heart........knowing that what is meant for me, will always be for me, and what isn't will naturally fall away........I am ready to get out there in the snow and do my thing:) Grateful to be able bodied and healthy and strong to do just that:)
jperuso
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