Single mom wonderings........

Becoming a single mom was never on my radar in this life......never..........not something that I ever expected for my life......I cannot stress that enough........it was something that I never saw coming, and never even considered touching my life.....and then.....well here I am....and maybe life is like that......the things that come to find us are often unexpected......we spend time looking out for the things we think will come.....and then stuff we never expected at all shows up.....on repeat....so yeah.....single motherhood was for other people.....not me.....my plan was to stay married.....make it work till little old lady status.....the end.....but becoming a single mom has been a privilege in my life.....walking alongside other single moms.....fierce and strong....a little wild, scrappy, and capable indeed....and so I joined the ranks....in one sudden moment......and once I landed here, I realized there are so many other things to consider, and think about besides the standard mom wonderings.....and I decided to share today, because I am not alone, I am sure about that.....and I am wanting to put together a single mom group this year to offer support to one another.....think it is important.....Here are some of the things I wonder.....I wonder what the impact will be on my children of being raised by just me.....yes they see their dad, but ultimately I am the one raising them......and I wonder about that....how that will look to them when they look back......I wonder if they will feel like they had enough....enough of all of it.....I wonder how it will translate into the relationships they have with others....especially my daughter......I wonder what narrative will eventually land in their hearts forever about it all.......I feel awesome responsibility to care for them well....for them to never feel like we have, or do less.....I wonder if they will feel that......or see that someday.....I wonder if they will see the special things.....the power in the three of us....and the magical times we have shared.....all the fun things we have done.....and the day to day peace that reigns in our home now....will they know that?? Will they always feel sad, and upset that they grew up without their dad in their day to day, and man of their big moments.....or will they have peace in that.....will my daughter resent growing up quicker than she needed to someday.....feeling grief about the childhood that was colored by Covid, and her dad leaving.....she was only 4 and she has grown up so fast, right before my eyes.....and that contributed to that indeed.....and having your kids rely on you as a mom is a huge responsibility.....but when you are IT, their person.....that becomes even more so......so what will that look like for them....my prayer and goal each day is to be as healthy as I can, and remain as strong as I can be, to be their person and beacon and raise them.......I wonder if the stuff that has to be as a result of being on my own impacted them.....like when I have to take them to the places I have to go.....when I work and do coaching, or doctor''s appointments, or everywhere......if that is something that they will look at with fondness or irritation.....will they know that I wanted to fiercely protect them through this time.....every minute........and that I did everything in my power to do that.......every single day.....and try and not let my new stress load as a single mom touch them.......will they know??? Gosh I sure hope so......Amen......They both are my heart and being their single mom is an honor in my life indeed........Happy Saturday:)