Showing up for our people is the most important thing we can do......I really believe that.....being there no matter what......I went to my parent's house this weekend after I got my car, and we had dinner, and took a trip down memory lane about some of the cars I have driven over the years, which led to a conversation about some of the boyfriends I have had as well;-)......and it is hard to believe that I had chosen some of them once upon a time.....amusing for sure to think of all the nonsense of the past, and we chuckled some at some of it......but overall my picker, in terms of men, has been flawed for some time......my whole life........my thinking my love and loyalty is enough to cover that in another.....and that just isn't true.....you cannot show up enough in a relationship, to compensate for their lack of showing up for you.....and talking and thinking on all of it made me realize the importance of it.....but also the importance of my holding out for a person that shows up in the ways I do.......I have never had that......all of my life......somebody to pour as I do.....I have had many friendships like that.......I have had great friends in my life.....I have a core of ride or die friends that have traveled a long time with me, and they are just the best.....I don't question their loyalty or their friendship to me.....not ever.......but in terms of love, I have lacked that exquisitely......and I suppose now that I know that living on my own, and being alone is amazing and fulfilling in ways I never even imagined or considered, it puts me in a much better position to discern the men I let into my life moving forward.....I certainly have been burned in this life.....thinking I mattered to somebody as much as they did me.....only to find out that just wasn't true......even though it felt like I did.....that is the curious part to me.....how a person can make you feel as if you matter so much......and yet when the end comes it just isn't the case......it is always so curious to me.....but yeah showing up for the people in our lives is so so important......being present and there for them so important......honoring the relationship we have with them no matter what, also so important......I think as I was talking with my parents what came forward the most was the notion of loyalty......that may in fact be the most attractive trait to me in this life....the one I have sought all my life, the one that has eluded me......I think because I am so fiercely loyal.....and have forever wished for somebody to show me the same.......and so far I haven't found anybody that has......but I forever have faith that I will......somebody to match my loyalty and love for them.....showing up for me as I do for them......sounds heavenly:) However in the meantime what I have learned deeply......is that you can show up for yourself and yield some amazing results.....the changes that have happened in my life.....the ones I am most proud of.....are a result of me shifting that loyalty I have shown others all of my life, around on myself.....and loving myself as I have loved others......and the quality of my new life speaks to the power of that love and loyalty:) I will keep showing up for myself......and for others in my life despite all that has happened to me......and remain faithful that I will attract the same one day:)
jperuso
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