This theme kept popping up the last week or so and after the sermon this morning at church I was inspired to tackle this.......in the absence of my marriage and him I have felt a lightness and high take over my entire soul.......it sounds hokey but it is 100 percent true......and it is not to diminish him or degrade him in any way it really isn't.......there were many years he set my soul on fire and made me feel special and loved.......however not recently and in the decline of all things and his trip down the rabbit hole, he was placing an enormous amount of drain to my spirit and to my soul for quite some time.........to my energy...............to my heart........to my life force to the entirety of me. The change in me is visible and palpable........people are commenting on the feeling coming from me, feeling I look younger, and feeling my peace and lightness transcend my physical body and it is pretty cool........cool to share that, cool that it is happening at all, and cool to validate the experience I feel I am having inside be shown on the outside of myself.......I absolutely feel 10 years younger and it such an amazing experience to have.......like I was saved from an invisible danger.......that danger being his storm, that he had begun to spin in our lives.........parking that storm over top of the entire thing........and I was guilty of being sucked in and joining him in that storm some days too...........allowing it to bring out the worst parts of me and allow it to sweep me up into unhappiness too...........and in church this morning it was advised that we should be the shelter for people far more often than we are the storm........and boy oh boy isn't that the truth????.......I have always believed that people should feel better for having interacted with you.....when they leave they shouldn't leave with the burden of negativity or heaviness.......but I know I wasn't able to keep those things away from so much of the interactions I was having before all of this............due to the insecurity, fear, and anxiety that infiltrated my life.......not allowing space and room to be as mindful as I needed to be.........as I wanted to be.........just surviving and working and trying........gosh was I trying........and it seemed the more I tried the less productive that trying seemed.........and now I know that in love trying is important........but what may be most important of all is to be the shelter in your person's life........don't be the storm........don't make life harder than it already is........provide a beautiful space to let that person find refuge in your peace......in your soul........be conscious of that space......keep it sacred........and available whenever your person needs it........never questioning whether they should need it or not.......accepting that if they are expressing it and needing you to be that, then that is all you need to do........I don't want anybody to ever view me as a storm in their life.......not ever........I try and take care of those I love and provide shelter when I can........I want my kids to feel that from me too........so it is a good question to ask ourselves........are you a shelter or a storm in a person's life???........and if you are a storm how are you going to create a beautiful space for those that you love to shelter in that space.......we all can be the shelter...........some need to work a little harder.......I pray Nick finds his shelter space again because once upon a time he was shelter for all of us..........and lately his storm has taken over... ........and I know it is not what he wants or what he would choose if he was more aware........I pray he finds his shelter within too......and gives it to himself first.........I am sure he is weary........I am sure he is tired..........I am sure he needs refuge..............Lord hear my prayer.......
jperuso
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