So there is no question that when your marriage is spiraling at a rapid rate to its finale there is a definite feeling that the power in your life is going right there with it......you literally are watching your life implode from the inside out, and all the power you stood in in your life is suddenly splintered, scattered, and hard to find.....especially when your marriage ends the way mine has......the end of mine wrought with ugliness and a bunch of other stuff that just doesn't have to be a part of the story but it is......so in that power LESS feeling you feel powerless sometimes. Sort of like you are watching your life outside of yourself. Like you turned on a bad soap opera, one you don't want to watch, but do out of obligation......as you stand there and watch with horror, things are stripped away from you daily....you are cast into a storm of the strongest emotions you have had, maybe ever in your life.......it can be disorienting, overwhelming, brutal , just all of it, all at once.......So as I have been wrestling with one insult to injury after another as the days have unfolded, and some of them would make your hair stand on end truly......every part of me wants to give into that lower part of myself and become caught up in the storm.......the storm that doesn't belong to me, the one that isn't meant for me, a storm I didn't create.......it beckons to me daily.......saying come on Jenn, come in, it will feel so good.......and in those moments I am reminded that that is not my super power MY SUPER power is SELF control.......I can confidently say I have more self control than most........not sure again where it comes from, but it has been hanging around me for many years....it has saved me many times.......I am not too much excess ,more moderation, generally speaking;-) SO as I STAND in that SUPER POWER. I feel my power in my life start to come back to me......like a hose attached to an invisible spot......through that hose comes my feeling of peace in my life.......POWER doesn't lie in being a bully, in hurting people, in destroying precious things, in trying to make others feel small, hurt , insignificant.........being petty.......power lies in walking your journey with your head held high......each and every day.......and each time I choose to exercise that super power I feel more at peace.........I feel calmer, quieter.........just better........This situation has tested my super power more than anything ever has and I hope ever will again.......I have been brought to my knees with just wanting to let go and cast that power aside and give into myself......but in the last moment I catch myself, take a breath and remind myself.....you may have LESS power at the moment but you are far from POWERLESS..................
jperuso
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